What feeds your soul?

This is the question that I find myself musing on regularly these days. I love where I am, I love what I am doing yet I am realizing that there is so much unexpressed/unfulfilled creativity brewing deep within. Where do I want to be? What do I want to do that I have yet to make a reality? Where is this all going? What FEEDS my soul?

I spent the last week visiting with family in my home (Dad, Stepmom & Brother!) and enjoyed so much of our time together. I also became aware of a part of me that seems to revert to the thirteen year old girl aspect of myself whenever I spend time with family. I get all insecure and worried about what it will take to make everyone happy. I am edgy and easily annoyed, and therefore annoying. I'm not the ME that I usually am. It is simultaneously perplexing and exhilarating to take this kind of really hard look at myself. I feel misrepresented... though I don't blame myself for being anything other than what I am in the present. Okay, well, I do kick myself a little when I think I have caused pain in another... but overall I accept it for what it is and know that everything is as it should be in any moment. In other words: I am loved as I am and love all others as they are and trust that we are all doing our best. So... What feeds my soul?

-self investigation.

-being surrounded by loving people.

-sharing with others (though I have much to work on when it comes to not holding back).

-being gleefully alive!

-letting a little more of my bright self shine through each day.

-finding magic in the mundane.

-spending the bulk of my time with the most inspiring, amazing child.

-envisioning an art space where I will make a ritual of making fantastical creations.

-seeing myself surrounded by the community I have always desired.

-major abundance manifestation in action.

-knowing my truth and accepting myself.

-so.much.trust.

In the middle of all of that I do find myself yelling at the dog, putting the kid in time out, crying a little because I feel like a meanie, spending more time that I'd like trying to tune out for a few minutes at a time and generally being human. Damn, this existence is complicated... and incredibly miraculous. I love every moment... and I don't say it enough: I have more love in my heart than I know what to do with. It is so frustrating to not just let it flow. I'm ready. I hope you are, too. It's flowing strong and it is flowing to you.

What feeds *your* soul?

Renovation Reveal: Our bedroom!

Most of you know that my little family moved to Salt Lake City last year from California to give some much needed updating to the house that Ben and his brother own (that used to be their Grandma's). The bedrooms needed some serious love. This is what our room looked like just after we moved in...

It's a dark picture and hard to distinguish just how ghastly the wallpaper was. There were 2 layers of paper and one had bled through the other. New Year's Day felt like the perfect time to tackle this room and breathe new life into it. I spent a few days sanding off the old wallpapers and washing down the walls. I then spent several days priming and painting 3 coats of paint onto those walls... then there was the trim, etc. We still have to install the new doorknobs... Behold! It's a totally new room! A place of sacred, sacral exploration:

These first 2 pix are taken in natural light. I know... you are thinking: ORANGE? Ben talked me into it, and it took a good amount of convincing. Now that the project is complete, I think I am in love. That man has insight about color and I should know better than to give him much trouble about it. I was thinking lavender... Sheesh.

Here is what the paint looks like with the bedroom light on. I do love how the dark furniture grounds the aliveness of the orange.

Another project complete!!! Here I am, all proud of myself. I am smiling even more on the inside.

What's next? Looks like the bathroom... But first I'm going to kick back and take a much needed vacation for a few days while one set of my parents come to visit. Looking forward to some fab fun in the city with them and to sharing photos of our adventures!

Let there be EGGS!

A surprise in the coop this afternoon!

Looks like Clementine is the first to grace us with a gift from her chute. Thank goodness for her, too... she sure is beautiful, but totally schizoid. We finally have a reason to keep her around. ;) Here she is next to her spotted sister, Betsy.

It's a bit early as our chick babies are only about 17 weeks old and usually don't begin to lay for another few weeks. My sweet chicken farmer couldn't be happier (or prouder... I *know* I saw a little tear in there somewhere).

The Yums: Nuts About You Granola!

Over the holiday break my rad ma-in-law, Myrna, opened my eyes to the simplicity of granola making. The basic recipe comes from the trusty Tassajara Bread Book (on page 140 of the ancient edition) and is simple to remember: for every 10 cups of dry ingredients (oats, nuts, seeds) you add 1/2 cup of oil and 1/2 cup of sweetener. After roasting in the oven you add whatever dried fruits you like. Here is how I made my first batch:

To 5 cups of oats I added:

-1 cup unsweetened flaked coconut (I like the big chunky kind)

-1/4 cup almonds

-3/4 cup cashews

-1 cup pecans

-1/2 cup pistachios

-1/2 cup sunflower seeds

-1/2 cup walnuts

-1/2 cup pumpkin seeds

Next, stirred in 1/2 cup of canola oil (may use another oil next time... sunflower?), 1/4 cup honey and 1/4 cup agave nectar. I then split the mixture between 2 baking sheets and roasted at 250 degrees for 1 hour (stirring every 10 minutes). I cannot tell you nice it was to have baking sheets with sides... saved much mess (thanks, Myrna!!!).

It came out of the oven nice and golden. I put the dry ingredients back into a big bowl and added:

-1 cup chopped dates

-1/2 cup orange flavored cranberries

-1/2 cup dried blueberries

-1/4 cup dried cherries

-1/2 cup dried mango, chopped

I stirred it up well and then couldn't wait to test it out. My fave way to eat granola is to drench it in coconut milk and mix in 1 tsp of chia seeds. This is what a 1/2 cup of granola looks like...

Of course, I shared it with Sebastian who then demanded "more!" when the granola had dried and was put into containers. Guess he will have to wait until tomorrow!

Be creative with your granola making and enjoy! It does the mind and heart well to know exactly what has gone into your mixture. Don't forget to add a heaping dose of love and preferably mix it up while you dance to your fave tunes!

Holiday Snapshots: The big #2 Birthday!

Yep! The little one is officially 2 years old! I want to know: What is it about birthdays that naturally drives the mama to make sure that the celebration goes smoothly at all costs? How much do the kids really care about the details at 2? First case in point: CAKE. That sucker was the bain of my existence for one day. I woke up on the 20th with one thought only: get the cake right and make it edible by 3pm when the other grandma arrives. Okay, yes, I failed. I woke up and immediately cooked the super mom cake from scratch. When I inserted the first well meaning toothpick, the cake deflated. I deflated. I waited a couple of hours and deliberated between baking another and sending the papa off to fetch a premade savior. We decided to try again, instead. All was well... and then the timer went off. My mother-in-law confidently opened the oven and I watched both cakes meet their demise. Deflation the second. Ugh. Behold the first set of defeated cakes!

Did the 2 year old care? HA! He was too busy playing with his vehicles to notice.

Oh! And then the balloons arrived! Fat chance of expecting any consciousness beyond "Wow, the balloons are colorful and fabulous". Thanks Daddy! Good idea!!!

Next, he opened some gifts. Monkey after monkey made itself known...

There were some coloring books... Elmo themed, of course (with a portrait of the kiddo on the package):

+ some hand wrapped and decorated surprises sent by mail from the other loved ones:

And, of course, 2 grandmas made it for the celebration! Grandma Winnie had as much fun as the birthday boy!

The prized gift! Sebastian reeeeeally wanted this toy jeep. Really, it was the only thing he asked for. I made a sneaky move into the toy store one day when I sent Dad and Bas to fetch some reverse osmosis water at the grocery store... Sebastian led me to the toy store a few days later and was distraught to discover that "jeep" had disappeared. He stared for a long time at the empty shelf and then said something along the lines of, "MAMA! Jeep all gone!!!! OH NO!" I talked to him about how some nice parents must have purchased the jeep for their kiddo. For 2 weeks, Sebastian would walk up to me and talk about how the jeep was gone and some lucky kid would be getting a gift. Poor little guy had no idea that he was the lucky kid.

And then there was the car... Grandma Winnie had mama pick up a ride around car for Bas (the 30th anniversary edition of the car mama had when she was a kiddo). This was the straw that broke the camels back, for sure... At bed time this kid still would not get out.

The cake did prevail after all! We took the first two cakes and carved them up to fill in the fallen parts of the second two... then we added a blueberry jam (by birthday boy request) and frosted the poop out of it. We then decorated with black and blueberries. Oh my! I cannot tell you how delicious the cake turned out. Pure bliss served up alongside vanilla ice cream and blueberry gelato. We could not keep the boy away from the berries. He also made a wish (or at least blew out the candle on the first try).

By the end of the day he was flat out done. Thankfully, Mama only cried twice. #1: Cake ruined!!! (and then revived... a blessing in disguise). #2: @gift presenting time, Mama could not find the gifts for about 8 minutes. Two closets were torn apart, tears discarded before someone asked if they were in the closet by the dining room. OF COURSE... A foreshadowed easy location. I am ashamed to admit that in those 8 minutes I referred to myself as the worst mother in the world. I mean really... Who forgets where their birthday baby's gifts are?!?

All is forgiven, truly. It was an all around good time. Sebastian has way more than his share of toys, he LOVED his cake and berries and he had so much fun with 2 of the grandmas (and grandDud & Daddy & Mama). He loves his book and Yo Gabba Gabba video from Uncle Jevan and Aunt Amelia. He cannot stop drawing on the chalkboard of his easel from Banana Alta and Lenny... And he can't get enough of his "street rug" from Grandma Myrna. Success!!! Next year? Mama will have less emphasis on making it all perfect, because in the end it *was* exactly as it should have been.