A couple of days ago Baz approached me with an incredibly sad face.
"What's the matter, Sebastian?"
"Well, I was just wishing that, when I grow up, I could get a seed from a man and grow a baby in my body."
"Ummmmm... oh. Your body can't do that, but you will be able to do something just as special when you are a man."
"Like what?"
"You will be able to give your magic seed to a woman and she will let the baby grow in her body. Women really can't make babies without help from men."
"Oh. Okay, then. Where do the men get their seeds from?"
"Ummm... When you are a man, you will know just where to find them."
OMG. Are we really having this conversation already?! Little dude isn't even 3 & a half yet. We're totally in for it.
5.26.2011
5.24.2011
The Show.
I'm back from Sacred Doula Training and easing into my home routine. We're enjoying fantastic weather, daily walks, 'playing baseball' out back, and keeping things low key and gentle. Doula Training was so intense and I think that I will be processing for some time to come. There just aren't words for that experience, so please excuse me for not writing about it quite yet.
Being away from Baz for a week kicked my emotional ass much harder than I expected. I was fine at the workshop, but toward the end of the week I found myself stealing moments to look through his pictures on my iphone. I called just a couple of days after leaving home and was so sad when Baz didn't want to talk to me on the phone. It was bittersweet: On the one hand I was so relieved that he was not too upset about me being away and on the other I was crushed that he didn't seem to care whether or not I was around. I waited a few more days to call again and he talked to me briefly and said that he loved me and missed me. Ben and Terry (his step dad) reported back that all was well and that Baz was having a blast. When I arrived home, Baz acted like I had just come back from the grocery store. It was no big deal for him. That was so odd to me. Terry said that there was one night midweek that Baz woke up crying inconsolably and unable to articulate why.
And then? We went through our nightly bedtime routine and I snuggled him a little closer than usual. We read a book and I sang his favorite song (Hush, Little Baby).
Baz says, "Mama, I really need to go to sleep now. I am tired and I don't want to miss my show."
"What? What show? What do you mean?"
"You know, Mama. The one that comes on when you close your eyes and sleep and it is usually different every night."
"OH! That is called a dream!"
"No, Mom. It's called 'my show'. I usually like them, but I really didn't like the one I had that was about my family not being all together. Dad was with me, but not Mama... and it made me cry a lot."
Suffice it to say, we're pretty sure that he had that dream on the night that he woke up crying. So sweet. I'm so proud of my big kid for being brave and flexible. However did I get so lucky?
Being away from Baz for a week kicked my emotional ass much harder than I expected. I was fine at the workshop, but toward the end of the week I found myself stealing moments to look through his pictures on my iphone. I called just a couple of days after leaving home and was so sad when Baz didn't want to talk to me on the phone. It was bittersweet: On the one hand I was so relieved that he was not too upset about me being away and on the other I was crushed that he didn't seem to care whether or not I was around. I waited a few more days to call again and he talked to me briefly and said that he loved me and missed me. Ben and Terry (his step dad) reported back that all was well and that Baz was having a blast. When I arrived home, Baz acted like I had just come back from the grocery store. It was no big deal for him. That was so odd to me. Terry said that there was one night midweek that Baz woke up crying inconsolably and unable to articulate why.
And then? We went through our nightly bedtime routine and I snuggled him a little closer than usual. We read a book and I sang his favorite song (Hush, Little Baby).
Baz says, "Mama, I really need to go to sleep now. I am tired and I don't want to miss my show."
"What? What show? What do you mean?"
"You know, Mama. The one that comes on when you close your eyes and sleep and it is usually different every night."
"OH! That is called a dream!"
"No, Mom. It's called 'my show'. I usually like them, but I really didn't like the one I had that was about my family not being all together. Dad was with me, but not Mama... and it made me cry a lot."
Suffice it to say, we're pretty sure that he had that dream on the night that he woke up crying. So sweet. I'm so proud of my big kid for being brave and flexible. However did I get so lucky?
5.14.2011
30 days of smiles: Days 24 through 30!
That'll teach me to do a '30 days' challenge without factoring in the vacation and time away from a computer. Whoops!
The trip was great! MUCH needed. Honestly, there was a whole lot of stress around it and way too much of my mind was wrapped in worry at making everyone else happy... Yeah, yeah: lesson learned (though I may need a reminder next time around). We are SO glad to be home.
We spent some time playing in the park and eating amazing food in Ashland on the way down to California. We spent a night with Aunt Ronda in McCloud, Ca on the way down and on the way back home.
No pix of the festival!? I know! How did that happen? Also, pix of many people are lacking. I tend to forget to whip out the camera when I am preoccupied. ;)
Time in Shasta was incredibly healing... so was time with family and friends. The icing on the proverbial cake was soaking in the hot springs at Stewart Mineral Springs (on Mother's Day!) the afternoon before we came home. Words cannot express how much I needed that "reset".
This is probably my most scattered post so far and I apologize for that. I'm gearing up to be away from home for a week (and my little one... *sadface*) for a doula training. I'm trying to conserve some energy and ready myself, but I am failing miserably. Surely, I will have tons to post about when I return!
The trip was great! MUCH needed. Honestly, there was a whole lot of stress around it and way too much of my mind was wrapped in worry at making everyone else happy... Yeah, yeah: lesson learned (though I may need a reminder next time around). We are SO glad to be home.
We spent some time playing in the park and eating amazing food in Ashland on the way down to California. We spent a night with Aunt Ronda in McCloud, Ca on the way down and on the way back home.
No pix of the festival!? I know! How did that happen? Also, pix of many people are lacking. I tend to forget to whip out the camera when I am preoccupied. ;)
Time in Shasta was incredibly healing... so was time with family and friends. The icing on the proverbial cake was soaking in the hot springs at Stewart Mineral Springs (on Mother's Day!) the afternoon before we came home. Words cannot express how much I needed that "reset".
This is probably my most scattered post so far and I apologize for that. I'm gearing up to be away from home for a week (and my little one... *sadface*) for a doula training. I'm trying to conserve some energy and ready myself, but I am failing miserably. Surely, I will have tons to post about when I return!
5.04.2011
30 days of smiles: To Be Continued...
I've got the pix, I've got the will, but the time and computer access are close to nil. ;) We're on vacation in sunny (and HOT!) California. We're visiting family, friends and just generally enjoying ourselves. This is the first trip we have taken as a family in... sheesh, I dunno how long. I'll post and catch up as soon as possible! Stay tuned!
5.01.2011
30 days of smiles: Day 23!
EXCITED!!! Packing is *finally* happening for our little trip... at least Baz's is all done. We are working hard at keeping the packing down to the necessities. I am tickled beyond belief that "necessities" to Baz include, not 1, but 2 sets of fairy wings ("for me and a friend, Mama!").
3 year olds truly are magic.
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