Much of my thought space has been taken up with a little self-flogging at neglecting this blog. Truth is, I didn't know I needed a long break... but apparently I did. On the other hand, I really love sharing here and have missed it wildly. So much has changed in just a few months and I think I needed to be present for those changes. We moved from Salt Lake City, UT to the Oregon coast. We have had visitors from Northern and Southern California. I turned 34! Ben is now employed (and loving it! He is working in the kitchen at Gracie's Sea Hag doing food prep/cooking... and anyone who knows him is aware that the guy thrives in the kitchen.)! Sebastian and I are settling into a daily rhythm. Napping is falling by the wayside and that sure puts the pressure on to keep the little guy active. Murphy the dog still proves to be a huge challenge, but daily walking in the evening and beach runs a few times weekly have settled him some. I have been fortunate enough to get away a bit for some mama time more than once. This is what I have longed for. It's what I needed, but never would have asked for on my own. A couple of trips to the spa and some time with a very good friend have afforded me the break I needed to let my breath out... to remember to breathe. Yep, I have definitely been holding my breath for far too long.
Some relationships have been redefined (or lost definition?), some communication has been on hold, and I have taken a very long look at myself. I'm recreating some of the ways in which I open myself up. I am trying to be present and not hold back for fear of being hurt, but I know that at some level, in some situations, it will be extra hard to just be myself. Sometimes it just doesn't feel safe. I am long tired of judgment; from others and self. I do know, however, what I am willing to give and willing to take. I do know my own worth. I know my truth. I am certain that it is unhealthy for me to dwell any longer on that which no longer fits. I am simply finished renting headspace out to fools. Relationships take some work, of course. But if we are living authentically, being real with one another, I can't believe that it should take too much work. What happened to the fun and lightheartedness and the joy of being together?
Don't get me wrong: my little family is thriving. Things are perfect for this moment. Some things could improve, as surely is the case at any point, but things are looking up. New friendships, both expected and un, have sprouted up. Old friendships have been rekindled. I am coming from a grounded, centered, spiritually tuned place that I was not in even a month ago. Still finding my way... but oh so stoked to be where I'm at. Couldn't be happier to be a mama to Sebastian. He is the most magical, present, energetic teacher I have ever had. He reminds me to get back up and shake things off when I fall. To try again. He reminds me to tap into the spirit of the sweet child I once was. So here I am, again: being thankful.
Wasn't exactly sure where I was going with this post, but knew I had to put some fingers to the keyboard and see what would come of it. I won't end with promises to post pix or blog regularly, though that is certainly my intention. I will just end with being thankful. Thankfulness is the perfect outcome.