Bubbles + Light

Kinder by Copper Wimmin

2011-12-12T01:02:00.000-08:00

Beautiful... & so exactly right on with the messages that I am trying to infuse myself with right now. So grateful that this found its way to me (Thank you, Lodge sister!!). If we all let this sink in and treat ourselves with gentleness & love, perhaps our joyful spark will spread like a wildfire and bring that change that we have been waiting for.

Shadow, light, crimson & aqua.

2011-12-06T15:53:00.000-08:00

I'm just marinating in beauty these days.

Exploring the woods around our new home has lit this tiny spark in my belly and it's burning bright.

I find myself walking daily, falling into a rhythm, taking care of business... you know, basically living naturally what I have been working toward for so long. Seems that a little movement, both physical & emotional, goes a long way.

The biggest, most striking revelation has been that I don't have to gather the courage to confront shadow. It just has to be done. No prep work necessary... and that in doing so, actually staring into that expansive abyss, the light seeps through and the path is made clear. It is just so juicy, I can hardly stand it.

Here's to newness, crisp air, long walks, doing the work... & peace.

Unapologetic.

2011-11-28T22:58:00.000-08:00

Maybe that should have been *20* days of gratitude and beyond? No matter. Truthfully, I have been shying away from this space because 1) way too much has been happening in a short period of time and I have no words to express my gratitude 2) every day is a grateful day, so how could I stop at 30 days? 3)as grateful as I am, some majorly deep, dark stuff has been surfacing and I am in the throes of working through it all. MAJOR stuff. Really. I feel like I have been shaken a bit more awake than usual and that I have to focus all of my intention on integrating what has bubbled up while simultaneously delving into that which is just below the surface. Pixie Campbell's SouLodge has been the catalyst for so much of this soul movement. I'm throwing out some major manifestation mojo to see how I can come up with the cash to sign up for all SouLodges in the year 2012. If it's meant to be, it will be. I'm unfolding into the flow and letting it all be as it is. Trust. It's so much more than I have ever allowed myself to believe in...

And so... Truly, there are not enough words. I'm cocooning. I'm reveling in the cave time. I'm prepping for winter and I am just not in a place to share. Feeling intense, magical, charged, quiet, vulnerable, naughty, excited... and unapologetic. And, I've got to say: It's about damn time.

30 days of Gratitude: Day 20!

2011-10-28T22:50:00.000-07:00

What do you get when you have a giant mound of boxes, one very large truck & a box of donuts? MOVING DAY!!!

Yep, it's that time already. All of our painting and packing has paid off and there is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Whew! Tomorrow is promising to be a long, full day... and the reward at the end of it is that we will be sleeping in our own home (punctuated by a bath with Baz in the whirlpool bathtub!). It's all a blur of excitement, exhaustion & gratitude.

SO incredibly, overwhelmingly grateful that everything has come together so smoothly and that all of our hard work has paid off.

*We will be offline until Tuesday as we get settled & wait for internet installation. This very spread out 30 days of gratitude will continue next week!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 19!

2011-10-27T20:53:00.000-07:00

Happy New Moon! That means that I should be on a 3 day raw cleanse, right? Too much on my plate & feeling the need for the grounding that comes with heavier foods. Also, very hard to do a cleanse with very limited kitchen access. Going to get settled into the new place and bump my cleanse by a few days or so. Still planning to do it, just need to get settled first. I'm going to need it after a week of fast/convenient food.

Grateful for the ability to check in with myself and listen to the needs of this moment & to let go. Proud of the ability to be gentle with myself. It has taken much practice to get to this space of allowing. Grateful for the many opportunities for practice that lie ahead.

30 days of Gratitude: Day 18!

2011-10-24T22:33:00.000-07:00

Exhausted doesn't even begin to describe my energy level. We've been packing, moving, unpacking, cleaning, painting & doing all manner of other moving related jobs on top of the everyday chores. You know what? It feels good. Having something to focus on distracts from getting stuck in headspace. I've really needed to be pulled back from the internal, to 'lighten up', to find that all around glow.

Grateful: for a peaceful mind, a full heart, new dreams, wishes realized, an able body, hard work to do & to look forward to + a rekindled heart flame.

30 days of Gratitude: Day 17!

2011-10-23T01:16:00.000-07:00

Filled to the brim with gratitude & blessings for another amazing firewalk! I carpooled with friends up to the Portland area & enjoyed a day off from 'being mom'. We gathered, sang, drummed, built up energy, released, transformed & celebrated. Each person touched & gave energy to every log that made up the fire. We gave offerings of abundance to the fire.

We all started the fire with individual matchsticks.

We watched her begin to blaze.

And blaze...

And when she was raked out... we walked over her burning coals. Yep, that is me below... believe it!

The experience of walking is always so different & dependent upon what is being given up, transformed or what energy is being received. This was my 4th firewalk... First in something like 6 years. My 22nd trip across the coals & perhaps my most powerful.

I give gratitude for fire & her amazing energy, for her willingness to take & transform & for the beauty & community that happens around a ritual of this magnitude. Thanks & blessings for taking my fears & turning them into courage, confidence, love & vibrant joy.

30 days of Gratitude - Day 16: The Next Chapter...

2011-10-21T15:05:00.000-07:00

The biggest news in some time + numerous reasons to be grateful! We signed a fat stack of papers a few days ago...

And magically entered into the new & curious territory of home ownership! Can I scream it loud enough? WE BOUGHT A HOUSE! WE BOUGHT A HOUSE! Literally, I'm jumping up and down.

It looks like it ought to be an easier move this time around (I can't express enough my gratitude for not having to move again in the foreseeable future... so done with moving!). Our new home is just 7 miles from where we are now! Loving this community. Loving putting down our roots.

So, you take a drive into the country, toward the sea & hang a left at the sweetest little church.

You cross a stream and enter into the forest.

A little over a half mile through the forest & up the hill you'll find us:

We arrived this morning with goodies and enjoyed a celebratory first breakfast in our new living room.

...and then we went out exploring. Baz immediately made friends with "a funny little fuzzy critter". Caterpiggle!

We walked through the forest & checked out every inch of our land (.96 acre!).

We conspired to get the hot tub scrubbed out & ready for action in the next few days. Can't.even.wait!

We said hello to some of our trees...

Ben looked happier than he has in a very long time. SO happy.

We took goofy pix in our master bathroom.

...and generally laid claim to our space. Perfection.

It's a fixer upper with a whole lot of quirkiness & we are excited for the challenge. We never ever thought that buying a house could go so smoothly. We made an offer just about a month ago and it was accepted immediately. I didn't know until we were driving around the neighborhood scoping the place out, but the house is about 3 blocks from a house I had my eye on way back when we lived in Davis. Somehow, I guess I just knew where we were meant to be. So here we are. We're beginning the next chapter. Turning a new leaf. Savoring the newness & the beauty of Autumn and working hard to make this move as smooth as possible. We have 20 days to move and my fantastic cousin is coming from California to help out, so it is all looking incredibly doable.

Simply overflowing with gratitude.

30 days of gratitude: Day 15!

2011-10-20T23:09:00.000-07:00

Practicing 'being here now', and it's no easy feat when so many exciting changes are just out of reach. Tomorrow: a very special breakfast with the family. Saturday: fire walking for the first time in 6?, 7? years. In the next week or so: finishing up Baz's halloween costume & a trip to the pumpkin patch. SO much fun to be had. It really is hard to stay present... but I'm working on it.

I'm thankful for movement, change, excitement & the onset of the holidays.

30 days of Gratitude: Day 14!

2011-10-19T11:33:00.000-07:00

Well, thank goodness I'm making up my own rules about this 30 days thing. I never did specify whether or not these gratitude days would be consecutive. There is a big old heapin' pile o' schtuff on my plate currently & I am just being gentle with myself. It's not that I have nothing to be grateful for... quite the contrary, in fact.

In the spirit of keeping this thing rolling at a time when I am not quite ready to share some of what is on my plate, I've compiled a list of fab internet links themed around what I've been discovering & working through lately.

Hey you: SPARKLE!

When we shine, we bring light to the darkness.

When we pull ourselves out of drama, our own or collective, we cannot ignore the beauty in the world (Thanks to Jen for introducing me to this song!).

It's okay to be angry. Honor your experience.

Claim & own your power.

BE BRAVE & remember that you are not alone.

It begins with y o u & me.

I'm so grateful for insights and upliftment, purity & truth & you.

30 days of Gratitude: day 13!

2011-10-13T23:37:00.000-07:00

Autumn rushed in with its fair share of rain & I realized that if I didn't motivate and get those little tomato beauties off of the bush they would all pop & sacrifice themselves back to the earth to be reborn next year. Hence the glorious harvest below:

Our sunroom has temporarily been transformed into greenhouse/ripening room. The sunflowers have been hung to dry. The beautiful cat faced orb weaver spider that lived all summer long in the largest flower was gently rehoused. The tomato cages have been stacked away in the shed until Spring. More work ahead. Plants will be yanked up tomorrow and fallen tomatoes will be worked into the ground. Zucchini & cucumber plants are done working their magic and will be evicted from the garden, as well. Cherry tomatoes will be made into a cold salad with the end of season cucumbers... and those green guys? They'll be sauce once they gain their color. Perhaps this will be the year that I finally dare to try friend green tomatoes. Oh, yes! I'm thinking fried green tomato party! We eat them while we watch the movie?

Baz is completely enamored with the sheer bounty that we manifested. He talked his stuffed monkey through the harvesting process and cautioned him to be gentle with and try his hardest not to disturb the tomatoes while they "get ready to eat". He exclaimed at one point, "Oh, mama. They are SO beautiful! I love them so much!" He even picked a favorite ("It's so lovely & fat!"):

Grateful hardly begins to cover this one. A blessed harvest, touching & being touched by nature, gifting my little guy with a childhood filled with gardening & finding my center through the process... again & again & again.

30 days of Gratitude: Day 12!

2011-10-13T00:45:00.000-07:00

La Luna.

She educes a howl from source.

Outside, under her spell, my body ingests her luminous glow.

Quenched.

Satiated.

Restored.

I'm so thankful for Mama Nature's reminders. Seeing the night sky filled with light challenges me to find that light within myself... especially when it seems almost impossible to locate. Dreams are clearer; stronger. Intuition is high. The thinning of the veil is imminent. Do you feel it, too?

30 days of Gratitude: Day 11!

2011-10-12T22:56:00.000-07:00

Goddess night. Every other Tuesday. A little slice of heaven.

We chat, we conspire for good, we snack, we share, we open, we are healed.

I am heart-swellingly grateful for the Goddesses. You ladies inspire me & nudge me outside of that comfort zone that I have a hard time getting out of on my own. Sisterhood is so divine. Bless your hearts. Looking so forward to growing our little group into an abundant community of wild women, and reveling in the sweetness that is 'just us' in this moment.

30 days of Gratitude: Day 10!

2011-10-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

You'll notice a gap in posts... I just couldn't bring myself to post the past few days. Yesterday was spent entirely in a pile of feather pillows & blankets on the folded out futon in the living room in an effort to be gentle with myself. Bursts of tears kept creeping up on me and I would find myself in a mess of a state, crumpled up & mumbling unintelligibles. Why? I have no idea. At one point, Ben was hugging me and asking what was the matter and the tears turned on and I blurted rather pathetically that I could not find the tv remote. Then we both laughed at the silliness of the situation.

Okay, truthfully, I have some idea. There is a whole lot on our plate & I've been feeling like I am not engaging Sebastian enough. It's rainy & we have stopped exploring outside. I know that going to a playgroup would be good for both of us, but I just have not been able to muster up the energy/courage/effort to make it happen. When I do go out, I am constantly worried that Baz is too much for people to take (and he is extra excited to be out since we have been cooped up lately). I feel sad, unsupported, judged *and* I know that mostly those are just my feelings that are most likely based in worry and fear and irrationality. Feelings are strong, though. And so I am in melt down and rebuild mode. It's all temporary, of course. I'll be picking myself up and dusting myself off. Soon we will be out dancing in the rain again, jumping in puddles, making friends; etc. My cousin is coming in a few weeks to spend some time with us through Thanksgiving. REALLY looking forward to that.

This morning I came across this. Thankfully, gratefully, the happy tears began to emerge. Finally! Someone is talking about how hard it is, this journey and initiation into motherhood. It will seem silly to some, surely, but I am still wrestling so much with my untreated postpartum experience. Yes. My son is almost 4. Daily struggles that are simple for many are world stopping for me. An impending drive to the store is sometimes too much. I've been meditating, singing kirtan, dreaming myself into healing and I am just exhausted knowing that there is so much work still to do to get to "okay". And maybe things are okay. Maybe this is my new life. Maybe I am just too hard on myself. Even the maybes get me down. I've been living in my head too much and stuffing my emotions; covering up my heart stuff under the rationale that perhaps if I am meditating and not crying it out I will be or at least seem somehow "normal". What the hell is normal? Why do I care what normal is?

This is a whole lot to dump at once, but I need to get it out... so thank you. Thank you for reading this and being witness to my "normal".

Ben brought home flowers this week. Spontaneously. Such a simple gesture that has worked great wonders for my soul.

I'm grateful for my life; for being mama. I'm grateful for my triumphs and struggles, even when it seems that the latter is dominating. I give gratitude for cocooning time. I'm thankful for the bootie dances of Baz that pull me out of my darkness and make me laugh uncontrollably. And I am thankful for the simple, quiet support that my husband generously gives.

30 days of Gratitude: Day 9!

2011-10-07T12:17:00.000-07:00

Picked up our CSA at the farm, visited the farm stand for fresh potato donuts, scored some fall threads at the local thrift store, consumed one very delicious tiny pumpkin latte, ate that veggie burrito that I've been craving & attended our good friend Corie's high school volleyball game. A very, very good day. Here are the girls in action:

They switched things up a bit and wore pink instead of their school colors (orange/black/white) & collected donations for breast cancer research. Awesome.

Ended the day catching up a bit with my sweet friends, took a dip in their hot tub (Thank you!!) and enjoyed a glass of wine before bed. Talk about refreshing sleep. :)

30 days of Gratitude: Day 8!

2011-10-05T23:18:00.000-07:00

Another perk of Autumn? Fire in the hearth!

Tremendously thankful for this place which we gravitate to each eve to connect with one another (and, of course, to warm ourselves).

30 days of Gratitude: Day 7!

2011-10-04T11:10:00.000-07:00

I awoke to a rainbow on the altar this morning!

Taking this as a reminder to explore the relationship between stillness & beauty.

This is the 3rd day of global sadhana, a 40 day meditation leading up to the shift into the age of Aquarius on 11/11/11. It's my first serious venture into any kind of meditation practice, and I find it interesting what has been coming up for me. I have learned that it is not a good idea (for me) to meditate just before bed as I doze off and trance out. Morning practice is nice, but I really enjoy waking up to 45 minutes of kirtan. Putting the meditation & kirtan together brings the practice to an hour... and that is much too much alone time in one sitting to ask for when one has a spirited 3 year old just itching to be a part of everything. 15 minutes alone, I can do. So, thinking of including Baz in the morning kirtan practice. He knows many of the chants already and just loves to sing. It's a sweet way to begin the day and such precious bonding time.

I am filled with gratitude for this abundant life that affords me the ability to arise daily with presence & to model a healthy daily rhythm for my child.

30 days of Gratitude: Day 6!

2011-10-03T14:09:00.000-07:00

A walk in the rain & playtime in puddles. SO fun.

Incredibly grateful for walks with my boy and reminders to play & have fun in the simplest of activities.

30 days of Gratitude: Day 5!

2011-10-02T12:05:00.000-07:00

One of my many current meditations:

"I hold the power to shape my child's health destiny."

I'm taking it seriously... & thank the funny lords that I am not met with resistance. In fact, the kidlet makes pretty amazing requests for snacks & meals. For example:

"Mama, may I have some crackers with cheese? Maybe some avocado and tomatoes? Pleeeeease?" Who could say no to that?! And for the record: total fan of both goat cheese and green tomatoes. He's nutritionally way ahead of where I was at around that age. I didn't willingly eat a tomato until I was 20 years old. He's teaching me about healthy choices just as much as I am teaching him. Honestly, he is surely teaching me more.

I raise up BIG thanks and gratitude for my healthy child & the choices that we make to ensure that his little body is growing & thriving.

30 days of Gratitude: Day 4!

2011-10-02T00:59:00.000-07:00

First heavy rain of the season (& first fire in the hearth!), rainy day cuddles with my little guy, breaking raw cleanse with popcorn (totally worth it!), confirmation that I am down 11 lbs (!!!), play time with my fat cat...

& a midnight request granted:

"BenBen, a riverdance before bed?"

Promptly followed by a charlie horse. Bwahaha.

...and then more dancing, another charlie horse, more dancing, *another* charlie horse...
You get the idea.

I cherish the spontaneous spirit of my ridiculously hilarious husband. I could make a list of all the ways he makes my heart go pitter pat, and you can bet that making me laugh would be right up on top.

So grateful for my sweetheart.

30 days of Gratitude: Day 3!

2011-09-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

We've been rising earlier. Yes, the whole family! So many benefits have become obvious... How have we been sleeping away such precious time together? We hop out of bed, get the hot water going, Ben makes his coffee, I make my tea, Baz eats his fruit or yogurt and we all meet out on the back deck for a chat while we watch the sun sparkle through the tree canopy. I listen to my favorite kirtan podcast, sing along & dance around like a buffoon much to Ben's embarrasment.

This morning we met up by the tomatoes and marveled at the abundant harvest that seems so late to us. Still getting used to Oregon cycles and how they differ from Utah and California cycles. Loving every moment.

My entire being is shining with gratefulness for these morning moments with my sweet little family, for the sunshine which we realize is all too fleeting & for the blessing of beginning each day with such light & love.

30 days of Gratitude: Day 2!

2011-09-29T09:48:00.000-07:00

I am so grateful for the rainbow in my refrigerator!

When I opened my refrigerator this morning, I was struck motionless. I stopped and stared at the rainbow of produce beaming at me. I am truly grateful for the abundant cornucopia of fresh, live food that feeds the bodies in & that visit my household. A perfect time for a raw/veg/fruit/green smoothie cleanse? Yes. The night before last, I committed to this 3 day cleanse with two of my goddess sisters. We're thinking of making this a permanent monthly cleanse around the new moon (perhaps the full moon, as well?). This is the first run, however, so talk to us about further commitment when we're through it. ;)

30 days of Gratitude: Day 1!

2011-09-28T09:49:00.000-07:00

Just dipping my toes back into the blogging world & adding a splash of color to the day.

I've been awol too long. This space is beckoning to me... So many changes occurring and I am not yet ready to share deeply. Summertime brought so much food for thought and I have been chewing on that content for months. As we slip into Autumn, I find myself excited to get outside, to play in the leaves, to defeat the neighborhood hill on a daily basis, to circle together with sister friends, to prepare soups and salads and green smoothies and to feed my community. Fall is truly the season in which I blossom and flourish. How is it that it is a surprise every year? I think I am wired funny... Summer is when I experience SAD. ;) Autumn is all about happy.

Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, I wish you an enchanting gratitude season.

Hmmm... feeling inspired to share my gratitude this season. 30 days of Gratitude? Yes. Just what the doc ordered. I'm not one to really wade in the shallow waters, so I guess I may as well dive in.

I am so grateful for my sweet little boy. For his smiles & laughter & natural joy. He inspires me to remember my inner child & divine light and to laugh every day... and he makes my heart swell (to almost bursting) with love. Thank you, Sebastian Fox, for adding so much color to my world.

The Yums: Blueberry Magic Muffins!

2011-07-31T11:46:00.000-07:00

Muffin batter:
1/2 Cup butter, softened
3/4 Cup turbinado sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 Cups unbleached AP flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 Cup almond milk
2-3 Cups blueberries (the more the merrier, right?)

Struesel:
2 TBSP all-purpose flour
2 TBSP brown sugar
2 TBSP turbinado sugar
1/4 tsp cinnamon
2 TBSP butter, chilled

In a large mixing bowl, mix together sugar, flour, baking powder & sea salt. In another bowl, cream together butter, eggs, vanilla & almond milk. Add wet mixture to dry and stir until smooth. Gently fold fat blueberries into your mixture and set aside. In a clean bowl, add struesel ingredients and mash together until well mixed. Grease muffin tins with butter and fill with muffin batter. Pull struesel apart into tiny bits and sprinkle across the top of each uncooked muffin. Bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes. These beauties are very crumbly when warm and soft, but stable when cool. Enjoy with butter, honey or as is! Honestly, these are sweet enough for skipping the honey. Also, the above photo does not do these babies justice. They are truly scrumptious!

::Just enjoy the show::

2011-07-29T20:11:00.000-07:00

A little glimpse into my head space as of late:

I've been working through some major shtuff and I'm just beginning to feel the inner sunshine. It's sort of this "Woah. I forgot that was a resource and a possibility... and not only that... my true nature! Man, I sure have missed you, light!" kind of feeling. It's been dark and dreary in my little pit, but I am thankful for the timing. I really needed something to wake me up and kick me into making some major changes and, most importantly, to get me to release, LIGHTEN UP & make room for the positive to roll on in. This life stuff is frickin' hard. But I wouldn't change a thing. I'm really working on letting myself 'just enjoy the show.'

::processing & blossoming::

2011-06-25T21:48:00.000-07:00

I don't even know where to start. This is the long-time-a'comin' post that I have been putting off, I think. Don't you just hate that? So much to say and no obvious starting point? It's enough to make my head feel stuffy.

May & June have been so full. General busy-ness, vacationing, visitors, Sacred Doula Training: I'm *still* processing it all. A whole lot of anxiousness and uncertainty came as a result of so much movement in such a short period of time. Did anyone else feel the major energy shift that came with Summer Solstice? The build up of energy to it? The eclipses? It was such a build up for me... and then a massive release as we shifted into Summer mode. I'm telling you, that release couldn't have come at a better time. Finally, I'm grounding, finding my bearings & really sitting with who I am at this moment, who I have been and gearing up for easing into who I am becoming. Yes... It's time to blossom. In less than a week I will be 35 years young. Seems natural to blossom around a birthday, yes?

At the Doula Training, I was blessed to be in the company of some of the most incredible women I have ever known. I let go of inhibitions and really trusted myself to be myself fully without fear of rejection or judgment. It really was a little slice of heaven. I took the opportunity to tune into the essence of each woman and find the gift that she offers to the world. So many beautiful gifts...

I am so touched by the strength & knowledge that each woman encompasses. I witnessed the power that is tapped through full participation. There was a heightened sense of freedom in the safety of our authenticity. We gave voice to our truths. We respected the words and tears of one another. We included one another. We encouraged. We offered our arms up for comfort. We laughed our fool heads off. I was greatly touched by a few who so fully embraced silence and offered up deep listening that I have found myself longing to cultivate those traits within myself. I call it practicing presence. Oi. It truly is a constant practice for me. And that is the beauty of it, really. There is no end goal. Practice never ceases.

Recently, my world was rocked a little. No, a lot. Truly shaken. I was in a space where I felt incredibly unsafe at my core. I forgot to practice presence. I actually checked out. I just could not bring myself to be present in the midst of anger and heaviness and energetic violence. A little piece of me regrets not standing up and fighting through it. A bigger piece of me has no inclination to fight. Within my sphere of close relations, I suppose I am coming to realize that I expect to be accepted as I am, challenged in a positive way & respected. Not to say that relationships are always easy or ever perfect. I honor depth and that usually is not achieved through a sunshine-and-roses existence. But this is my truth. I choose not to be offended. I happen to feel strongly that when a person says "I am offended!" about anything, they stop being in the present and sit with their offense. Listening goes out the window while we coddle our wounds. Like I said, it's a practice... and I'm only just beginning mine. After this intense experience in which I did not practice presence, I keep asking myself why I did not tap into the gifts of my doula sisters. Why did I withdraw and cease participation? I have no answer aside from that being how I have always responded to very difficult situations. I crawl up into my shell and wait for the storm to pass. Then again, it very well may have been the right thing to do. I just do not know... I do know, however, that I will keep listening to my intuition, keep cultivating love within my heart, mind & soul and keep doing my best to live in truth and face the hard stuff as it arises.

We really are all doing our best at any given moment.

Birds & Bees!

2011-05-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago Baz approached me with an incredibly sad face.

"What's the matter, Sebastian?"

"Well, I was just wishing that, when I grow up, I could get a seed from a man and grow a baby in my body."

"Ummmmm... oh. Your body can't do that, but you will be able to do something just as special when you are a man."

"Like what?"

"You will be able to give your magic seed to a woman and she will let the baby grow in her body. Women really can't make babies without help from men."

"Oh. Okay, then. Where do the men get their seeds from?"

"Ummm... When you are a man, you will know just where to find them."

OMG. Are we really having this conversation already?! Little dude isn't even 3 & a half yet. We're totally in for it.

The Show.

2011-05-24T17:41:00.000-07:00

I'm back from Sacred Doula Training and easing into my home routine. We're enjoying fantastic weather, daily walks, 'playing baseball' out back, and keeping things low key and gentle. Doula Training was so intense and I think that I will be processing for some time to come. There just aren't words for that experience, so please excuse me for not writing about it quite yet.

Being away from Baz for a week kicked my emotional ass much harder than I expected. I was fine at the workshop, but toward the end of the week I found myself stealing moments to look through his pictures on my iphone. I called just a couple of days after leaving home and was so sad when Baz didn't want to talk to me on the phone. It was bittersweet: On the one hand I was so relieved that he was not too upset about me being away and on the other I was crushed that he didn't seem to care whether or not I was around. I waited a few more days to call again and he talked to me briefly and said that he loved me and missed me. Ben and Terry (his step dad) reported back that all was well and that Baz was having a blast. When I arrived home, Baz acted like I had just come back from the grocery store. It was no big deal for him. That was so odd to me. Terry said that there was one night midweek that Baz woke up crying inconsolably and unable to articulate why.

And then? We went through our nightly bedtime routine and I snuggled him a little closer than usual. We read a book and I sang his favorite song (Hush, Little Baby).

Baz says, "Mama, I really need to go to sleep now. I am tired and I don't want to miss my show."

"What? What show? What do you mean?"

"You know, Mama. The one that comes on when you close your eyes and sleep and it is usually different every night."

"OH! That is called a dream!"

"No, Mom. It's called 'my show'. I usually like them, but I really didn't like the one I had that was about my family not being all together. Dad was with me, but not Mama... and it made me cry a lot."

Suffice it to say, we're pretty sure that he had that dream on the night that he woke up crying. So sweet. I'm so proud of my big kid for being brave and flexible. However did I get so lucky?

30 days of smiles: Days 24 through 30!

2011-05-14T14:50:00.000-07:00

That'll teach me to do a '30 days' challenge without factoring in the vacation and time away from a computer. Whoops!

The trip was great! MUCH needed. Honestly, there was a whole lot of stress around it and way too much of my mind was wrapped in worry at making everyone else happy... Yeah, yeah: lesson learned (though I may need a reminder next time around). We are SO glad to be home.

We spent some time playing in the park and eating amazing food in Ashland on the way down to California. We spent a night with Aunt Ronda in McCloud, Ca on the way down and on the way back home.

No pix of the festival!? I know! How did that happen? Also, pix of many people are lacking. I tend to forget to whip out the camera when I am preoccupied. ;)

Time in Shasta was incredibly healing... so was time with family and friends. The icing on the proverbial cake was soaking in the hot springs at Stewart Mineral Springs (on Mother's Day!) the afternoon before we came home. Words cannot express how much I needed that "reset".

This is probably my most scattered post so far and I apologize for that. I'm gearing up to be away from home for a week (and my little one... *sadface*) for a doula training. I'm trying to conserve some energy and ready myself, but I am failing miserably. Surely, I will have tons to post about when I return!

30 days of smiles: To Be Continued...

2011-05-04T15:56:00.000-07:00

I've got the pix, I've got the will, but the time and computer access are close to nil. ;) We're on vacation in sunny (and HOT!) California. We're visiting family, friends and just generally enjoying ourselves. This is the first trip we have taken as a family in... sheesh, I dunno how long. I'll post and catch up as soon as possible! Stay tuned!

30 days of smiles: Day 23!

2011-05-01T22:03:00.000-07:00

EXCITED!!! Packing is *finally* happening for our little trip... at least Baz's is all done. We are working hard at keeping the packing down to the necessities. I am tickled beyond belief that "necessities" to Baz include, not 1, but 2 sets of fairy wings ("for me and a friend, Mama!").

3 year olds truly are magic.

30 days of smiles: Day 22!

2011-04-30T22:47:00.000-07:00

Happy Beltane! In honor of the great fertility holiday, we had a spontaneous backyard celebration. We enjoyed wine, tortilla pizza & May Day stories by the fire.

Baz took a long afternoon nap and was surprised to wake up to a blazing fire. He stared at the fire for a some time and entertained us with his dreams, thoughts & songs.

Funny how mesmerizing fire is...

I've been feeling some "stuck-ness" lately and I think that tonight was a bit of a healing balm for my soul. When it became too cold for Baz & Benjamin to be outside, I lingered awhile and gave what has been holding me back to that fire. Feeling lighter already & very much looking forward to the blossoming to come.

30 days of smiles: Day 21!

2011-04-29T23:21:00.000-07:00

...Another song that I have been playing over and over. I sure do wish youtube came with a repeat button. This chant fills me to the brim with peace & calm.

This mantra translates as "Sun, Moon, Earth, Infinity, Totality of Experience, I am Thou." For further reading on this chant, check this.

30 days of smiles: day 20!

2011-04-29T00:38:00.000-07:00

Kids really do say the funniest things... Tonight Baz was playing with his cars and attracted the attention of our cat. Suddenly, he became very upset. He came over to me and said, "Mama. Krishna is trying to play with me and I DON'T LIKE IT. I don't like it because I AM NOT A TOY!" :)

30 days of smiles: Day 19!

2011-04-27T23:23:00.000-07:00

A blast from the past: The Transformation Game!

Arrived today by mail from a dear friend. When I visited her last, I mistakenly & completely accidentally ordered this game on her account (blame it on the alcohol!). Whoops! So, I am paying for it and keeping it. And thank goodness, really. The insights that come with this game are hard to come by. Ben is at work, Baz is in bed & I completed my first solo game in under 30 minutes. Who wants to play?!?

30 days of smiles: Day 18!

2011-04-27T10:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm playing "catch up" on 30 days of smiles. This was yesterday (Tuesday!).

Ben arrived home from work very early! I took the opportunity to get out of the house for some decompression time. Took myself to lunch at The Woodsman in Philomath. It's a funny little restaurant chock full of local history. It's a thai restaurant/american food pub. They have the BEST fresh spring rolls with peanut sauce. I had been craving them like crazy, so I finally gave in. Heads up: The house made coconut ice cream is divine!

Also? A little thrift store shopping. 2 Pashminas and a yoga book later and I was blissed.

Thanks again BenBen! You're a rockstar husband.

30 days of smiles: Day 17!

2011-04-26T11:04:00.000-07:00

Give this beauty a listen...

I've had this on repeat for the last 2 days. I'm claiming it as a mantra & infusing myself with the simple truth of it. Also, it seems fitting to begin singing this to Baz every night at bedtime.

30 days of smiles: Day 17!

2011-04-25T20:24:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter!

Baz awakened to the great surprise of Easter gifts & treats! That crafty bunny used a shiny new Tonka truck as a basket!

So, naturally, he dumped out the goodies and filled his truck with cars. ;)

He then broke open his eggs to discover the treasures inside. There was some candy to be found & coins! Daddy brought out Baz's piggy bank for filling.

A mama tradition: Eat one bite of the chocolate bunny. Ears first!

We usually limit sugar intake, so it was quite the treat to eat chocolate and peeps for breakfast (not to worry! He ate 'growing food', too).

The rest of the day looked a lot like the above two pix; lots of treats in the face. We spent some time at a gathering with new friends that we met at the local Co-op. Baz was thrilled to have kiddos his age to play with. We had a great time!

When the first sugar crash melt down hit we gathered him into the car for a short nap and a trip to our good friends' house. We enjoyed a fabulous mexican feast with some of our fave people on the planet, great conversation & a birthday celebration (Happy Birthday, Corie/Abbie/Kevin!) There was at least one more sugar spin out in there somewhere... but I guess that's part of the holiday. We had so much fun that we forgot to take more pictures (as usual! Oops!). All in all, we had a fantastic day. Hoping your day was filled with as much love, light, comfort, indulgence & as many blessings & smiles as ours!

The Yums: Bright Blessings Lemonade!

2011-04-25T15:37:00.000-07:00

Over the last few days I have hashed out this recipe and tweaked it into what I believe to be lemony-perfection. Make a batch and do tell what you think! :)

-6 large lemons or 1 3/4 Cups lemon juice

1 Cup turbinado/pure, unbleached cane sugar

4.5 Cups sparkling water (that's one 33.8 fl oz container of Pellegrino!!)

1 TBSP orange blossom water

Juice lemons. Add sugar and lemon juice in saucepan and stir over med-high heat until sugar is fully dissolved (about 5 minutes). Pour lemon/sugar mixture into a large container (I used glass) and add pellegrino. Finish off with 1 TBSP orange flower water. Mix well and enjoy! May you be filled with the light of the season and allow yourself to S H I N E!

*I'm thinking of substituting the orange blossom water with rose flower water in the summer... perhaps lavender? Yum!

30 days of smiles: Day 16!

2011-04-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

We hope your Easter weekend is as colorful as ours! :)

30 days of smiles: Day 15!

2011-04-22T20:22:00.000-07:00

Halfway through 30 days of smiles and the sunshine continues! It is finally dry enough to take advantage of last year's birthday gift! I love my Vibram Five Fingers!

Seriously, LOVE. Last year I was experiencing some truly awful ongoing foot pain from a little accidental foot rolling incident a few years back. These shoes helped to build up the muscles in my arches and strengthen my feet and the pain greatly decreased. I packed them away for the wet months and some of that pain has returned (thank you very much, Crocs!). I am blissed to get my feet back into shape and to, once again, achieve pain-free feet!

30 days of smiles: Day 14!

2011-04-21T22:20:00.000-07:00

SUNSHINE IN OREGON! Say whaaaat? I had to take advantage of the beauty and get out for a walk, so I strapped Baz in the stroller and headed off. One of my fave routes takes me down a pathway toward Corvallis and has the most beautiful views. I am so enamored with these fields; especially on days like today.

Natural delights are everywhere around here, often in the most unexpected places. This duck was enjoying a bath just a few feet from me in a roadside ditch.

Coming home? Just as lovely! Little pockets of forest line the trail. I can't get enough of the shadows cast by the trees. I traipsed around awhile in search of the elusive Trillium flower. No luck! I'm going to have to find my way deeper into the forest to meet that goal. Perhaps this weekend.

I just realized that what touched me most about this hour long adventure was that my sweet, little one still falls asleep in the stroller at the age of 3. Heck, I'm just happy he'll still ride in the stroller! When we came home and he woke up, Baz told me that he "very much enjoyed the walk. It's too bad it was so short." HA! Little dreamer.

Looking fondly forward to so much time outside this Spring & Summer.

30 days of smiles: Day 13!

2011-04-21T22:05:00.000-07:00

Throughout the day, on my Facebook feed, people were posting 'Happy 420!'. Well, we didn't smoke any grass... but I did have the pleasure of watching Benjamin mow some.

It's funny. I have been the prime household mower of lawns since Ben and I have had lawns to mow. Ben has done the duty a few times over the years, but I have always liked having an outside job that was all my own. A couple of weeks ago the first tall grass of the season was just screaming to be taken care of. Our mower was out of gas and I was determined. Enter push mower. Front lawn, back & 2 side yards totaled over 2 hours of mowing! It *was* great exercise, but not the kind I prefer. I didn't mind, though. I felt accomplished and was happy to have tidy yards to surprise Ben with after his long day at work. Shame on me, apparently. Ben went into this crazy rant about how mowing the lawn is his job... he's the man, yadda yadda yadda. Woah there. I couldn't believe my ears. At first I thought he was just joking with me. I think he was sort of half joking, honestly. So I gave in. I told him to have at it... but I plan to get my mowing fix in at least every so often. Sitting on the sidelines and enjoying an icy beverage suits me just as well. ;)

30 days of smiles: Day 12!

2011-04-19T17:33:00.000-07:00

The lemons were getting kind of pucker-y and looking like they needed to be dealt with. What to do? L-E-M-O-N-A-D-E, of course!

The sun is out for the 2nd day in a row & I am feeling *much* better. We spent some time this morning in the garden moving plants around and readying a plot for veggies. Lemonade seemed like a great way to quench that post gardening thirst.

Little Baz was delighted by the ice as much as the lemonade. ;)

30 days of smiles: Day 11!

2011-04-19T17:23:00.000-07:00

Day 11 was kind of an evil day. I woke up to discover that I could not roll out of bed, could not move my neck or left arm without intense pain & that I could not for the life of me stop crying. I've been eating lots and lots of veggies and green smoothies & seem to be detoxing like mad. I asked Ben to massage me the night before, to help the process along, and he was SUPER rough. And so, day 11 was spent flat on my back. In the afternoon I was feeling particularly cooped up (because, wouldn't you know: it was the first sunny day in something like 2 weeks and I was stuck inside!) and ventured outside for a few moments of fresh air. I just happened upon this sweet little dandelion growing up through a crack in the patio.

I figured, if that little flower could find a way to grow in such a funky little spot, I surely could muster up some energy and get off my arse to clean out that closest that we are always complaining about. What a horrible idea! I mean, the closet looks great, but I overdid it and paid with more time laid up. The lesson? Listen to your body! When it tells us to stop and rest, it means business! Okay, okay... lesson learned. But did I mention how great the closet looks? ;)

30 days of smiles: Day 10!

2011-04-17T19:47:00.000-07:00

We drove on over to the local Grange Hall for a pancake breakfast (OMG! Warm strawberry-rhubarb compote atop (locally grown oat) cakes! Yum-O.). We were happily surprised to meet up with a friend of Baz's and his mama and to eat with them and get to know them a bit better. The kids danced to the musical offerings of the bluegrass band and we made some tentative plans to get together soon. Ben checked into membership and we are very much lured in by the sweet community, which is offering yoga a couple of times monthly and will be hosting family movie nights throughout the summer. Overall, it was just so refreshing to tap into a bit of the liveliness of this community. We can't wait to find our places here and to sink down some roots.

After breakfast, we did some food shopping and then took the long way home. More like, we took the amazingly picturesque way home. Here is a visual taste (ala hipstamatic) of what lies just a few blocks out from our neighborhood. Marys peak is hiding under a cloud, straight ahead.

Another freakishly nice day. Looking forward to 3-4 days of sunshine this week!

30 days of smiles: Day 9!

2011-04-16T13:08:00.000-07:00

Hooray for sleeping in!

Lazing around on a Saturday morn (& husband's day off!!) until close to noon is almost unheard of in this house that the preschooler rules. The trick? Set him up with breakfast and one of his fave movies. ;)

30 days of smiles: Day 8!

2011-04-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

After a long day of housework & child wrangling, it doesn't get much better than this:

My fave chocolate (no, I did not eat that entire bar in one sitting!), a decent brew & a little light to calm and center = bliss.

30 days of smiles: Day 7!

2011-04-14T16:39:00.000-07:00

I have a love-hate relationship with making my bed. I'm cleanly and all that, so I change my sheets every other week and after any illness. What I'm talking about is that internal dilemma that comes up each day when I am greeted with the opportunity to pull back the sheet & smooth out the comforter. On the one hand, I *LOVE* the feel of my bedroom when the bed has been tidied, luxury items organized, fresh flowers placed upon the dresser/altar & a good spritz of aromatherapy is left to linger & refresh. On the other hand, I find it much easier to crawl back into an already disheveled bed! Perhaps I ought to freshen up the room and leave the bed as is after a good rest? I dunno...

What I DO know is that those pillows have been inviting me to do more than rest my head lately. In fact, I find myself wanting nothing more than to wrap one around my face and scream my sweet head off. The very idea of this tickles me to no end. Honestly! What kind of crazy person walks around fantasizing about yelling into her pillows? ::raising my hand:: Ayep, that'd be me. I'd scream into the air for release if I didn't think I'd scare the poopsies out of my child or find myself in a white padded room in the morning. And what is wrong with wanting to scream, anyway? I do my breathing exercises. I listen to and chant along with sacred musicians on a daily basis. I cry more than most people would admit to... but sometimes, there is that welling up that just needs to GET OUT! And sometimes I just can't cry (in my house we call this 'eye constipation'). Sometimes, I don't even have a reason to... I just want to feel it so purely... to linger in my aliveness.

This brings me to my homework of the day: I'm working myself up to screaming into that pillow on the right. Heck, I may even scream into all three. Slobber may be involved. I'm not scared. I'm ready. Ready to unleash whatever has been bottled up... and at the end of it all, I fully expect to find myself in a ridiculously satisfying giggle fit.

30 days of smiles: Day 6!

2011-04-13T17:59:00.002-07:00

Somehow, I've dropped coffee. Not quite sure how that happened. I didn't intend to stop drinking it, I just sort of stopped wanting it and recently realized that it has been over a month since I indulged in a latte. It *might* have something to do with my rekindled romance with chai... ;) At any rate, I find myself needing a midday pick-me-up and have taken to blending up some sort of green smoothie concoction. It hits the spot, provides instant energy & gives me a fat dose of veg all at once! Today's blend:

1 braeburn apple

1 d'anjou pear

1/2 peeled orange

3 stalks of celery

1 handful of parsley

1/3 of a large bell pepper

about 3 TBSP liquid chlorophyll

8 oz. cranberry-grape juice

20 oz. water

*This makes enough for me, Baz, Ben & one extra (either for Dud or bottled and popped in the fridge as a handy snack for later).

Looking up?

2011-04-12T22:35:00.005-07:00

Back in California, I had a pretty bad ass magical community. Honestly, it was more like several communities that overlapped. I knew it would be near impossible to find that kind of community in Utah but was so happy to find an awesome dance class & a monthly full moon women's dance/potluck (that I am now sorely missing). Newport had more promise, but, alas, it was populated mostly with retirees & vacationers. After all, it's Oregon. All of the earth friendlies live in the forest, dontchaknow? Enter Corvallis. I was betting on magical folk up in here, but it seems that most of those who do not reside in the forest are either in Eugene or Ashland. Dagnabit! Foiled again! I have been diligent in my search, though. Somehow, I just *KNEW* that magic was waiting for me somewhere nearby. Wouldn't you know... I stumbled upon a new group that is meeting about 10 blocks from my house?! Now that is my kind of manifestation magic! I met with them tonight for the first time (their 2nd!) and had a positively fantastic time. It's always so relieving to find people who share like interests and receive you as is. And so, I find myself calmer, energy elevated, hopes renewed & trusting that all really *is* as it should be. Divine plan? Thanks again. Loving you.

The Yums: The Sweet Life muffins!

2011-04-12T17:00:00.003-07:00

3/4 Cup soy milk

1/2 tsp apple cider vinegar

1 1/4 Cups applesauce

2 TBSP sugar

3/4 Cup whole wheat flour

3/4 Cup AP flour

1/4 Cup brown sugar

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1 1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/8 tsp sea salt

1 tsp vanilla

1/4 Cup raisins

1/4 Cup cranberry raisins (I used orange juice sweetened craisins)

1/4 Cup dried blueberries

*Optional: nuts!

Mix soy milk & apple cider vinegar and let sit a couple of minutes. Add applesauce, soy milk & vanilla to this mixture. In a separate bowl, mix all dry ingredients until clumps have dissipated. Gently fold liquid mixture into dry and stir until fully mixed. Bake at 350 degrees for 26-30 minutes. Enjoy & share with a friend!

30 days of smiles: Day 5!

2011-04-12T16:30:00.004-07:00

My sweet boy sleeps.

Thank the funny lords! This surely has been a beast of a week, if ever there were one. We've dealt with some potty backtracking; going from fully trained to marking many spots on his bedroom carpet. GAH! We exorcised some monsters from bathroom and said bedroom, complete with the burning of sage and harsh voices (to scare those monsters into never returning). We implemented a chart to commemorate each successful journey to the toilet with a prize to be had when the chart is covered with colorful stickers. And today? Oi. Today there was an awful, uncooperative day at preschool in which the little guy had to have more than one time out. The primary teacher is out of town on Thursday and gave me the choice of either not bringing Baz to school that day or to bring him and stay to watch/help out. Apparently there is fear that he will be too much work for the helper teacher and sub because he gets the other kids riled up. Teacher recommended we have some testing done to determine what is going on with Baz. She says he is very smart and that may not be a good thing... Hrrrmmm... She also recommended that we opt for co-operative preschool next season so that I can be more involved in the classroom and provide the one on one interaction that a typical school with 2 teachers to 10+ kids cannot provide.

This all sounds rather negative for a '30 days of smiles' post, no? Nah. I did have some tearful moments after talking with the teacher (Okay, okay... so I bursted into tears in the park and cried all over another mama). Now that those tears are out of the way I think I can focus on the positives coming out of our current challenges.

Co-operative preschool was my original choice. I was dazzled by our current school's nature program, but see that I can supplement his preschool experience with nature based home school curriculum and outdoor adventures. We'll stick it out a bit longer at nature preschool and see what comes of that (Yes, I will attend with him on Thursday and get clear on what is happening in the classroom to better determine his needs), but it looks as though we had better begin looking for alternatives.

The testing? Well, that's not such a bad idea. If nothing else, it will confirm Baz's incredible intelligence. Having moved 3 times since he was born & not making many kiddo connections, I happen to feel strongly that he just wigs out in social situations. It seems that if the teachers cannot focus on him or challenge him he gets bored and turns into the class clown, thereby seeking the attention of his peers & resulting in negative attention from his teachers. Needless to say, we have a lot on our plate. We are learning so much & I am finding my inner fire and creativity through all of this. That is something to be super thankful for! For those of you who may think "Maybe your kid is just a hellion", I'm guessing you've never parented a toddler. It's tough, challenging, heart-wrenching, intense, amazing, beautiful, crazy and sometimes fun... and it is SO worth every freaking moment.

30 days of smiles: Day 4!

2011-04-12T16:13:00.004-07:00

A day late, yes, but not a day lost.

Tulips from the yard! Several other shades popping up that will surely make way onto the kitchen table in the coming weeks.

Lemons? Making up batches of the master cleanse and drinking a jar daily. Not currently doing the weight loss program as I find that it makes my system too acidic and I end up with a tummy ache. I do, however, very much enjoy this as a beverage. I mean, really. What's not to love? Lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne?! I do love me some cayenne.

Happiness is: the last home made muffin (for me?!) from a batch made yesterday! That attests to the yumminess of said muffins, right? What made me even happier was being able to give a few away to my sweet friend Chris. Recipe to follow.

30 days of smiles: Day 3!

2011-04-10T20:19:00.003-07:00

I've been working on creating some flower/gem essences/elixers. This is batch 2: grape hyacinth with a 5 quartz blend (intuition quartz, 6 sided point, triangle sacred geometry quartz, pentacle quartz & a herkimer). You can see a couple of the stones peeking through the surface.

This blend is particularly good for releasing irrational and negative thoughts; something I very much find myself needing around now. I love the gentleness and subtlety of essences. A few drops in my water a few times a day seems to be boosting my overall mood.

Now I've got to work on getting a few gifty bottles into the mail! That'll make at least a few folks smile. :)

30 days of smiles: Day 2!

2011-04-09T20:21:00.005-07:00

Today was FILLED with smiles. Ben took Baz for a daddy date: wacky indoor bounce, play time at the park & hot cocoa at the co-op! They dropped me off for a couple of blissful relaxation hours at the local day spa: $20bux gets ya lots of time in the steam sauna, refeshments in the sanctuary lounge, lots and lots of water, a rainfall shower with wonderful products, a DIY facial and best of all, a couple hours of quiet.

We came home and made pizzas together!

Our new bread machine makes a mean focaccia crust! It was so good, in fact, that we will most likely implement a weekly pizza night. Baz was quite pleased with his personal pizza, which he rolled out and put together himself (with a little help from dad).

30 days of smiles: Day 1!

2011-04-08T21:46:00.004-07:00

In an attempt to find myself here with some regularity, I'm committing to 30 days of posts dedicated to something "smile worthy". I like the lack of rules. Truly, what makes me smile may not make anyone else smile... and that's okay. Feeling the need to nurture my inner child... to feed my magic self.

Day 1: I've been collecting rocks. They were calling for words! There are duplicates because some are just calling out to be given away. I want to make people smile. I want to smile. It's that simple.

...Another Foolish Anniversary...

2011-04-08T21:27:00.005-07:00

For those of you who don't know, my love and I were married on April Fool's Day, in a tree, because we are all about the whimsy. That was 5 years ago. *5* years! I can still hardly believe it. Our fantastic friends offered to keep Baz for a few hours, so we hit the coast for dinner and alone time. We could have gone the fancy route, but instead went to our comfort spot and found some fancy there. We hit up Rogue on the bay. Started off with a couple of gooooood beers. Ben went for something light... I like 'em darker. Dead Guy Ale! Yum.

We then moved on to burgers. It's a rare treat for me to indulge in a burger, and I don't much eat meat in general, so I figured that we should do it right if we were going to do it at all. Insert Kobe beef burger. Oi, yummmmmm. Trust Ben's face. They were *that* good.

Those few hours were chock full of laughter, relaxation and all around fun. See:

We browsed around the bay front for awhile and Ben treated me with a fabulous giant labradorite ring. We visited our fave candy shop and rounded up some chocolatey truffles to take back for our amazing (kid watching!) friends. As we were heading out of town, Ben remarked how incredible it was that we made it all the way out to the coast and didn't even go to the beach. DOH! Total forehead slapping moment. I absolutely insisted that my toes make contact with sand. They did.

It was freezing! We ran back to the car and warmed up for our ride back to hang out with friends and pick up Baz. What a wonderful treat to get away and enjoy one another for a bit. We are so thankful. Here's to the next 5 years (and the 5 after that... and so on... and on and on and...)!

The Yums: Sunshine Rice!

2011-04-05T16:04:00.004-07:00

splash of olive oil

2 Cups cooked brown rice

1/2 Cup yellow onion, chopped

2 Cups cauliflower

1 orange bell pepper (or red)

1 (14.5 oz) can diced tomatoes

2 tsp curry powder

*1/4 tsp turmeric

1/4 tsp cumin

1/4 Cup fresh parsley, chopped

juice of 1 meyer lemon

1 (15 oz can) garbanzo beans

1 TBSP ghee

sea salt to taste

Cook rice (in rice cooker) and set aside. Sautee onions in olive oil. Add cauliflower and enough water to steam while covered. When cauliflower is tender, add bell pepper, tomatoes, curry, turmeric, cumin, parsley & lemon juice. Mix well and let cook on med-high until a gentle boil is reached. Add rice and ghee (stir until ghee covers rice) and let simmer about 3 minutes. Top off with garbanzos and let simmer another 3-5 minutes. Salt to taste and enjoy!

This would be simply divine with the addition of pineapple or craisins (Sweet Sunshine Rice, perhaps?). Cashews, too! Yum.

*Personally, I prefer more turmeric - but I had just 1/4 tsp left in my spice cabinet! For shame. Next time I will most definitely use about 1/2 tsp.

.:Lover Boy becomes Krishna:.

2011-03-24T23:55:00.011-07:00

My sweet white kitty, Shasta Sioux, passed just 2 weeks ago. She was 9 years old. She was a shelter rescue from my days in California and she was a bit of an oddity. When I rescued her I had no idea that she was deaf. I quickly figured that out (the official test consisted of an elderly veterinarian getting up really close to her ear, clapping and yelling "HEEEEEEEEERE KITTY KITTY KITTY"). Didn't matter to me, I chose her and I was committed. That girl was skittish... she hid much of the first year I had her and really didn't come out of her shell entirely until Baz was born. Those last few years were heavenly (save for a couple of incidents when she became a stalker of dogs and spent one family vacation torturing my Mother-In-Law's friendly dog Andy). When I say heavenly, I mean that she really finally relaxed. She was the alpha cat; Queen of the house (the capital Q is intentional). However, she was always tolerant of Baz. She was gentle. She never jumped up on laps for cuddles, but she often swept across my or Ben's legs to let us know she was in the mood for love. She was a good cat, and she was mine.

I took a spontaneous vacation down to California to spend some much needed time with a sister-friend and her family & other friends and family. I was gone 10 days. When I returned, Shasta began yowling her head off and didn't stop for 3 days. She was never a meower. In fact, we would joke that she only meowed quarterly; you know: 4 times per year. That was pretty close to the truth. So, I knew something was off. I thought that she just missed us since Ben said that she hadn't made a peep the whole time I was away. At the end of the third day, she had a 2 minute long seizure. The next day the vet told us that it was rare for a cat to have more than one seizure within a few weeks, often times with 6 months between episodes. We had him run some tests so that we could find out what was wrong with her and make sure that it wasn't contagious to our other cat (Hazel Gray. She's Ben's sweet kitty). Over the next 2 days she had over 15 seizures. Twice she went into seizures as a result of me petting her. It was heartbreaking. We made the decision to have her euthanized as I could no longer watch her suffer.

You might find it odd that I am willing to jump back into another kitty relationship so soon. Well, I mourned hard for my kitty. I mourned harder than I ever would have thought possible. She saw me through the end of an 8 year long relationship. She comforted me through a terrible housemate situation. She was with me when I fell in love, married, had a baby. She moved with me from California to Utah and then to Oregon. I realized that I felt a kinship with her because she was flawed and misunderstood. So much of what I have been working through lately resonates around those themes. Yeah, I loved her. A lot. But I set her little spirit free and felt a strong urge to find new kitty kinship. Not to replace her. Oh, no. That could never be... but to open myself up and see what was to be. Funny thing is, I set my intention for another kitty so unlike her. I wanted a cuddler. I wanted a kitty that would be gentle with & not freaked out by kid energy. I wanted a boy kitty. But, I still wanted a white kitty (I just love those white cats... random fact: Did you know that white cats make up only ~2% of all cats?). I began to browse petfinder.com. I posted an ad on craigslist. I was committed to taking on a rescue cat. I really thought it would take longer... but when I saw Lover Boy up for adoption at the shelter in Salem, and realized that he was brought in as a stray on the day of Shasta's death, I knew I had to meet him. Today we brought him home.

When we visited him a few days ago, he was covered in kitty dreads. COVERED. He had oil in his tail hair. He had dirt marks all around his head, ears and paws from his ear mite treatment. In other words, he was a hot mess. Imagine our surprise when we showed up to take him home and he had this ridiculous haircut. Thank goodness he at least feels better, because he looks like a shaved poodle. I've taken to calling him "Poodle Pants". ;)

Here he is settling in after braving his way out of the crate and into our home. He went straight to Baz's room and hung out while Baz played and "gave him a tour".

He then sat though a book about the alphabet, complete with storytelling and random facts about Baz's life.

"Did you know that my name is Sebastian? I'm 3 years old and I like to read. Do you like to read, kitty? This is the letter S. Sebastian starts with S."

He came out of his shell rather quickly. We had been tossing some names around: Dandelion, Wishpuff, Krishna, other variations on Krishna such as Govinda. I asked Baz what name he liked and he informed me that the cat already knew his name was Krishna. From Lover Boy to Krishna? Suitable. I like. And so, he is henceforth known as Krishna.

Here he is being lovey.

He wouldn't leave Baz's side and even snuggled with him on the living room floor long after Baz dozed off for the night.

And then!? He crawled over and licked his little nose. Kitty kisses! Yes. Another great reminder to be mindful of what I wish for... those manifestations are sometimes so spot on and quickly received.

Despite being sick as a dog, I'm ecstatic to have chosen and been chosen back. The smile is 100% proof of that. The rosy glow, on the other hand, is pure fever.

Please send us more healing thoughts. Ben has missed 2 days of work because of this awful illness and is eager to get back... and I am eager to have my voice back and to get out into the sunshine and play!

The cure for stir craziness...

2011-03-24T01:59:00.003-07:00

An indoor picnic! We have been cooped up in the house for far too many days with this nasty sickness and my little guy has been such a trooper. He's feeling much better as he has just one more day to go on his antibiotics, but me and the BenBen were *much* worse today. Baz was ecstatic to be able to eat down low... and who wouldn't be? Cars, robots & tasty treats are about as near to perfection as one can come. That smile says it all:

Nuts, cheese, carrots, tomatoes, pb&j mini bagel & animal crackers. Yum!

It is so simple to please the wee ones. I just have to keep reminding myself of that!

SPRING (& an ode to Winter)...

2011-03-22T20:10:00.011-07:00

SO so so so so much has happened since December. I swear, I never meant to take this long of a blog break, but I suppose life got in the way. Just to catch you up:

We moved! We decided to leave the coast of Oregon and settle inland about 50 miles just on the edge of Corvallis in a community called Philomath. It's small. It's all American... It just may be the safest feeling place that I have ever lived. We love it. We do miss the coast on occasion, but we resonate so much closer to the vibe that is Corvallis and we truly couldn't be happier with our decision. Here's a glimpse of one of the perks of our rental house: SUNROOM! We spend every morning (and much of the day) in here. We drink tea/coffee, do arts and crafts, watch the birds swoop in for snacks, play cars on the floor, color; etc. It really is a little slice of heaven. Note the playground just outside of our back fence. Baz is head over heels!

We've had visitors... One of which indulged the Bazlet in a serious jam session:

Ben began a new job (which he loves!) and we have taken a few breakfast dates to enjoy some alone time to connect.

We said goodbye to a very special animal friend... Actually, said goodbye to 2. My snake, Shiva, made his way out about a month and a half before my sweet kitty Shasta.

Breakfast dates were made possible by a little someone beginning preschool! That's his preschool building just past the trees. It is set at the edge of a gorgeous park and has a fab playground out back. Again, he's in love. Loves his teachers and making new friends. Working on learning the ways of school life and finding his place in the group.

Baz GREW!

...and grew some more!

I've found little bits of my spirit self that had been neglected and hiding... Feeling so much clearer.

Got some tattoos...

Matched by a Sister-friend!

Took a spontaneous trip to Cali to visit friends and fam (and my fave mountain: Shasta!).

Connected with a niece/cousin that we hadn't yet had the chance to know.

Spent time with cherished friends (& fam; many of whom shy away from the camera)...

and decided that we just can't live without a sweet kitty friend (okay, that's all me... I'm missing my Shasti, but I'm ready for the next adventure. We welcome our new kitty this Thursday!).

Okay, yeah... so, a lot has happened in the past season... much more than I have listed, surely. I feel like I hit the major points spot on, though. Looking forward to sharing the next changes. Feeling grateful for Ms. Amelia for kickin' my butt into blog action by requesting that I get to posting and expressing that she has missed my bloggy presence. Send us some "get well" lovin'. We've got a nasty cough/cold brewing in our house. Sun has been popping out for bits and we really want to get outside and take advantage of the blooms and light!

Happy Birthday, Star Prince!

2010-12-20T21:54:00.004-08:00

Once upon a time, specifically on December 20th 2006, a young married woman went to the sea and stripped her clothes off before dipping in & praying for a child. The prayers were fervent, but realistic. "When the time is right", she pleaded. But she knew... just KNEW with every fiber of her being that the prayer would be answered, not in HER time, but in due time. And, of course, as fate (or whoever else) would have it: the child was born 1 year to the day (though it took the woman a few months to find herself at that magical realization). A year TO THE DAY! Seriously? How much more magical could it be?

Mama & little Sebastian Fox just hours after his perfect entry into our realm:

Is it just me? Or do you see how aware he was, even at his debut?

Happy Birthday, little one!

It is a shock to me how fast time is flying... and I find myself crying (waaaaaay prematurely) at the thought of you leaving the nest while, simultaneously, cherishing every freakin' moment. You are so beautiful, amazing, smart, aware. I can't get enough and can't wait to see what you do next.

In the meantime... I am just so happy that *you* are happy. You'll have that brother or sister you want (when the time is right)... I wish I could guarantee you those 2 twins you keep asking about... but we will leave that up to fate, or Aphrodite, or whomever... This has been a magical birthday and I am so happy to know you. You make me a better person... and I am forever in your debt for making me Mama (the one thing I KNOW I am good at).

So, smile that impish smile. Grin like there is no tomorrow. Keep touching hearts... and just be *you*. Your smiles make it all worthwhile.

I love you, my star prince.

Before & After!

2010-12-14T22:30:00.004-08:00

Before:

AFTER:

Looks like a different kid, no? Baz has been wanting to keep the hair long for some time... but finally gave in to trying a new look. We didn't push hard, just gave him the choice. I guess today was a good day for a change. I can't believe how much older (& taller!) he looks. So so so so sweet. :)

Rain & puddles & creeks, Oh my!

2010-12-11T12:19:00.004-08:00

The rain sure has been coming down the past few days. Nothing we can't handle, it's just constant. That will not deter us from getting outside to enjoy sloshing around in the puddles, however. Check out the creek! It was not much more than a trickle a week ago...

Baz brought along his goodie basket for collecting natural treasures during our walk.

Enjoying the puddles! When we made it back inside Baz had 2 boots full of water.

But he is still committed to (reluctatly) bringing us all a little bit o' sunshine.

Introducing: SUPER KID!

2010-12-06T15:56:00.005-08:00

First request this morning: "Mama! I need a cape!" Okaaaaay... I dug out a silk wall hanging that has been collecting dust and tied it around his neck. He then donned an old pair of our magic rainbow glasses that he poked the lenses out of. Insert one tiny bike into the mix and you have SUPER KID (sometimes also known as SUPER BAT BOY!) Whatever you choose to call him, he has made it clear that he is a fierce one to be reckoned with. He'll crash through your garden!

If you ask sweetly, he will stop and pose for a brief pic!

No time for autographs, though. After adjusting his glasses he is off again!

This is his "fierce" face. He has been calling himself fierce ever since watching Project Runway season 4 with Mama. A big Christian Siriano fan...

Super Kid says that his super powers include saving kitties from trees, making sure no trees are cut down & getting to where he needs to be with lightning speed. I think he forgot to add in that he specializes in melting hearts. Just look at that face:

Sweeeeeet! I am thankful to Super Kid for getting us outside for a bit today. I noticed that the roses are a bit confused about what season we are experiencing. So pretty, though!

Oh! Here is the tiny playground just outside of our yard. Baz is in love! Lots of trails and trees back there to enjoy.

We're loving these sporadic sunny moments that occasionally grace a stretch of cloudy/rainy days. And loving the greeeeeeeen! Super Kid is hoping to capture the attention of some local kids that he can play with out on the playground. Looking forward to Spring when the children are spending more time outside and his little wish will come true.

Back in action!

2010-12-05T12:21:00.008-08:00

It has been a wild and crazy ride the past few months. We left off with a promise to post a pic of Baz's Halloween costume...

Better late than never? ;) Okay, my apologies. I have a whole pile of excuses, surely none of which anyone is interested in. On an up note: We moved! Loved the coast, but opportunities for work are slim to none in the off season (basically October through May) and Ben is ready to pursue some educational goals. We settled inland about 50 miles in a tiny town called Philomath. We are literally on the border of Corvallis, so best of both small town and college town worlds. Oh! Plus, Corvallis is so much like the positive parts of Davis that we are truly feeling at home here. Pics of the new place to come in the next few weeks!

Naturally, we couldn't stay away from the coast for long. We ventured on over to Newport last night for their community holiday celebration. We slipped into our old neighborhood haunt Savory Cafe and enjoyed ridiculously good pizza & salad before heading on over to the bay for the lighted boat parade. I had a tough time capturing photos of the lighted boats. Don't be fooled... they weren't whizzing by or anything. I was just verrrrry cold and shakey. Also, not sure if 7 boats counts as a parade... but it truly was a sweet idea and fun to warm our hands with hot beverages while we braved the crisp air.

Then, the meat of our visit! Holiday evening visit to Oregon Coast Aquarium! We arrived early and were some of the first in line which meant an hour long wait for the doors to open and one crazy wild Baz running around and talking to anyone who would listen.

Luckily, I was able to get him to stand still long enough to ensure that his photos weren't whizzy like the poor lighted boats' were.

Also, there is a RAD (and maybe a little sad) art display currently at the aquarium. All materials used are found objects/garbage from local beaches. This fish was incredible!

The ceiling to floor jellyfish is made entirely of plastic bottles! There was even a giant coral reef modeled out of styrofoam!

And then there was Santa! Baz climbed up and asked immediately for a blue wooden race car, much to my surprise. Now it is all he talks about. Thank goodness Mama was able to find one and let Santa know which one to bring for Solstice. ;) Honestly, Baz was so thrilled with the candy cane that I think he doesn't much care what Santa brings so long as he leaves behind some candy canes.

We had a good giggle over these fish sculptures getting into the holiday spirit:

Wondering why we had to be at the aquarium so early? Ben was part of the entertainment! He wanted to be a part of the caroling put on by his barbershop chorus, The Coastalaires. Since we moved he has been missing meeting with his guys weekly, but he still plans to study the music and meet back with them for performances until he can find a group he gels with in the valley.

Baz loved watching Daddy sing and wanted to join in, but he had a mouthful of candy cane, so he listened with quiet intent.

...and occasionally Baz would get the attention of the chorus and elicit some cheer from them.

It was a good time and a great kickoff to our holiday season. Looking forward to some snuggles by the fire, much hot cocoa & our annual Christmas Day enchilada feast. Ooooh! And a certain little one's approaching birthday (it's a hot topic in our house right now that he is not going to let us forget). We hope you are all enjoying the season as the dark approaches the light. May good cheer and gentleness fill you and may your December be the merriest!

September? October?

2010-10-26T23:08:00.003-07:00

Wow. Left off in August... September is a ghost. October is almost over...

So much is happening currently. Words cannot give justice to the changes occurring.

Hoping to have some updates in the next few days. Surely, updates will naturally occur around Halloween. Baz's costume is priceless (and of his own choosing). Can't wait.

I have been conserving energy as of late and cannot wait to find myself sharing in this space, once again. Biggest love and wishes for a magical Autumn to ya'll.

Blessings, T.

August, where's that break?

2010-08-21T09:26:00.003-07:00

Ugh. Just ugh. Computer that we put our photos on... failing. Computer I am typing on? Geriatric & without iPhoto. Hence the lack of posting. Fail. I'm blaming it on that bumhole Mercury & his inconveniently evile retrograding ways.

Taking a 2 week trip to Cali to spend some time with the fam and with some dear friends. Stressed about trying to squash everyone into short visits so that I can see all of my lovelies. Extra stressed that I probably won't get to see a couple of loved ones that I very much want to see and have missed on previous trips (lOOking at Robertito & Pegalicious). Meanwhile., I'll keep taking photos and somehow manifest a wholly functioning computer in the next few weeks. Eventually, I shall catch up.

Big summery, sunshiny, blessings to you all!

August Break: 9.

2010-08-09T21:54:00.002-07:00

My little sea lion. :)

August Break: 8.

2010-08-09T21:51:00.004-07:00

We are what we eat:

This weeks Farmers' Market score!

August Break: 7.

2010-08-09T21:48:00.001-07:00

August Break: 6.

2010-08-06T11:24:00.005-07:00

Have I mentioned that Baz LOVES cars? At home he plays for endless hours with his Hot Wheels. At McBride house, Baz has nearly unlimited play time in his BFF Kevin's yellow VW Beetle. Oh, did I mention that his very favorite car is any kind of Volkswagen? ;) He is in blissland.

August Break: 5.

2010-08-06T11:10:00.003-07:00

A family of dear friends lives just a hop, skip & jump into the woods and we regularly are blessed to spend time with them. Feels like a mini vacation! My little fam drove on over to their house on Tuesday and spent the night. Benjamin has work for 5 days in a row and Baz and I weren't ready to leave, so we are hanging out in the forest for a few days. Here is Ben enjoying a little slice of heaven: early morn on the porch bird watching with a cup o' joe.

We're missing BenBen, but so glad that he got in a little decompression time while here & some alone time in our quiet house while we are away.

August Break: 4.

2010-08-03T10:56:00.004-07:00

Our little patio garden. It's what we can do with the space we currently have. Next year? or perhaps the year after that when we are in a more permanent, bigger place? Ahhh, our garden will be spacious and veggie filled! Until then:

Quaint, functional & adorable.

August Break: 3.

2010-08-03T10:53:00.002-07:00

August Break: 2.

2010-08-02T11:55:00.003-07:00

I'm an auntie! Kalani Blue was born on 30th July 2010 to my brother Randy and his lovely lady Kristina. He entered the world at a nice solid 10lbs. 3oz. :Love those cheeks!: Congrats to the happy parents! Parenting is a wild & bumpy ride and worth every minute!

August Break!!!

2010-08-02T10:04:00.006-07:00

I don't know about you all, but I am certainly ready for some fun, inspiration & images! So, I was naturally excited when I ran across the August Break challenge happening over on Susannah Conway's blog. I almost tore my hair out trying to make her badge work on my blog... so I just linked it on the side with no badge. I will not be deterred! The project is simple: 1 pic daily with or without words for the month of August. That oughta motivate me to breathe some life back into this space... I'll post 2 photos today, 1 for yesterday & 1 for today. Let's kick this off with something silly:

Photo by Chris McBride via 'stachetastic for the iphone

Thanky McThankfulpants.

2010-07-21T10:13:00.004-07:00

Hmmm... My thoughts are swimming in a number of directions. I came to this space with some thoroughly explored thoughts to share and now it seems my brain is in a tangle. So this is a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-thoughts post. Bear with me.

Much of my thought space has been taken up with a little self-flogging at neglecting this blog. Truth is, I didn't know I needed a long break... but apparently I did. On the other hand, I really love sharing here and have missed it wildly. So much has changed in just a few months and I think I needed to be present for those changes. We moved from Salt Lake City, UT to the Oregon coast. We have had visitors from Northern and Southern California. I turned 34! Ben is now employed (and loving it! He is working in the kitchen at Gracie's Sea Hag doing food prep/cooking... and anyone who knows him is aware that the guy thrives in the kitchen.)! Sebastian and I are settling into a daily rhythm. Napping is falling by the wayside and that sure puts the pressure on to keep the little guy active. Murphy the dog still proves to be a huge challenge, but daily walking in the evening and beach runs a few times weekly have settled him some. I have been fortunate enough to get away a bit for some mama time more than once. This is what I have longed for. It's what I needed, but never would have asked for on my own. A couple of trips to the spa and some time with a very good friend have afforded me the break I needed to let my breath out... to remember to breathe. Yep, I have definitely been holding my breath for far too long.

Some relationships have been redefined (or lost definition?), some communication has been on hold, and I have taken a very long look at myself. I'm recreating some of the ways in which I open myself up. I am trying to be present and not hold back for fear of being hurt, but I know that at some level, in some situations, it will be extra hard to just be myself. Sometimes it just doesn't feel safe. I am long tired of judgment; from others and self. I do know, however, what I am willing to give and willing to take. I do know my own worth. I know my truth. I am certain that it is unhealthy for me to dwell any longer on that which no longer fits. I am simply finished renting headspace out to fools. Relationships take some work, of course. But if we are living authentically, being real with one another, I can't believe that it should take too much work. What happened to the fun and lightheartedness and the joy of being together?

Don't get me wrong: my little family is thriving. Things are perfect for this moment. Some things could improve, as surely is the case at any point, but things are looking up. New friendships, both expected and un, have sprouted up. Old friendships have been rekindled. I am coming from a grounded, centered, spiritually tuned place that I was not in even a month ago. Still finding my way... but oh so stoked to be where I'm at. Couldn't be happier to be a mama to Sebastian. He is the most magical, present, energetic teacher I have ever had. He reminds me to get back up and shake things off when I fall. To try again. He reminds me to tap into the spirit of the sweet child I once was. So here I am, again: being thankful.

Wasn't exactly sure where I was going with this post, but knew I had to put some fingers to the keyboard and see what would come of it. I won't end with promises to post pix or blog regularly, though that is certainly my intention. I will just end with being thankful. Thankfulness is the perfect outcome.

Catching up.

2010-06-09T15:08:00.007-07:00

What have we been doing, you ask? Well, some of you have asked... so this is the post where I begin delivering those promised photos and catch ya'll up. Where to begin? Ahhh yes. Once upon a time, about 14 years ago, I met and fell in love with a super amazing little family: The McBrides. Here is the eldest of their 2 children, Kameron, GRADUATING from high school.

Omg. Feeling a little bit old over here. Seriously, though, I couldn't have been more proud of him. We were so honored to be a part of his day (Good luck, Kam! The world is a big one + lucky to have you and you are going to delight the hearts and minds of many!).

Oh yeah, We joined up for a CSA season with Gathering Together Farm out of Philomath, OR. SO EXCITED for green things to come! This has been one of my little, barely out-of-reach dreams for several years now... and let me just say: Ecstatic! Totally worth the wait. We received our first basket last Saturday... Green onions, spinach, mixed greens, romaine, purple potatoes, carrots, turnips, pea shoots, mint, berry jam... all local, organic & delicious. Our pick up location is at the Newport Farmers' Market, so we supplement our basket with other local goodies; usually fresh baked bread & pastries from Pacific Sourdough & local eggs (a dozen always comes with one green egg!).

Can you spot the green egg? This photo makes the subtlest of distinctions...

Subsequently, we have been devouring copious amounts of these luscious garden gifts:

Usually in stir fry or raw form...

Beyond that, we have been setting up house (and trying to keep up with the kid + dog made messes). Sebastian loves to spread his toys around the house and then crash into this chair/blanket combo for a little recharge.

Ben spends most of his time either out submitting resumes or sitting here at the computer tailoring his resume to specific jobs. He is on the job hunt. Fingers & toes crossed....

The lovely kitchen...

Mysterious red curtains (and a very strange little bathroom just off to the right of the refrigeratior):
Behind those curtains? Beautiful red machines that make laundry days so much sweeter! Dud's specifications for a washer dryer combo were that they be new, work well and be some beautiful shade of red. We definitely hit the criteria. Loving them!

BTW, for those of you who do not believe that Dud exists... here he is getting shtuff done in his home/office/bedroom. You'll just have to wait to meet him in the flesh to catch a sweet glimpse of his smiling face. :P

Back to the living room... Where we stare into the tube (+ Ben's super fun interpretation of Totoro).

Shiva is happily shedding, and refusing food... one little mouse named Lucky was set free this week as a result.

Gratuitous kid sleeping in chair photo... A second view only because I had to include some of the mess he left behind.

Where the kid should be sleeping... or usually does, I should say. This bedroom is much tinier than the one he had in Utah. Doesn't phase him, though. Like I said, he just decorates the rest of the house with his toys. Btw, those little purple and green IKEA frames harbor Sebastian's first paintings! On the right, a work in progress family and friends collage. Important people are missing... I better dig out the glue stick and get to work.

My safe haven! My fluffy Shasta Sioux spends most of her time at the foot of our bed + the door has a lock to keep the kiddo out when mama needs a tiny recharge.

Altar space...

The view from our bedroom window!

The view down below. This is our little shed. LOVE the extra space! Tomatoes have been planted. Hope hope hoping they work some magic and feed us well this summer.

I decided not to grace you with inside views of the bathrooms. Let's face it: a bathroom is a bathroom. Ummm... dining area has recently been home to all papers that need filing, so that shot will have to wait. Just trust that we are making our space cozy and loving every minute. Okay, honestly, not always loving every minute with the dog. He is so much work. Having to wrestle with the possibility that we just may not be dog people. Strange concept as I grew up with dogs. Murphy is too much a part of the family to not work it out with, but sometimes I think he is like the most challenging member in any family. Ahh well, it can't all be roses and rainbows. How boring that would be.

If you can spare some energy, please send the full-time w/benefits job love our way. We need all the sweet manifestation help we can muster. Big blessings and thanks!

Adventures in Newport-land.

2010-05-17T11:56:00.004-07:00

So much has changed in the last few weeks and Sebastian has truly been a trooper. It seems only fitting that I share with you all some of the fun we have been stirring up for him. We are still settling in and unpacking those boxes, so the house photos will have to wait... In the meantime, here's what's up:

I decided to tackle this recipe from happyfoody.com. I used the grain blade on my vitamix to reduce the oats to a warm powder and then soaked it in almond milk in the fridge overnight. On Saturday morning I added the rest of the ingredients and made a couple of pancakes. Honestly, they were good, but the consistency was a little spongy (does that word look really weird to anyone else?). Ben thought it only natural to try the batter out on the waffle iron... and OH MY! It was heaven. That tiny crispy edge of waffle was just what that batter needed. I spread a bit of peanut butter over our waffles, chopped some banana over the top & added a drizzle of pure maple syrup... ahhhhhh, perfection. The pancakes weren't a total loss, though. Sebastian was giddy to receive the plate below and is now adamant that more "boy waffles" arrive on his plate in the future.

So Sunday rolled around and I woke up with the urge to explore. Ben didn't want to go, so I strapped Baz into his stroller and took him out for a mama date. We enjoyed breakfast at Cafe Stephanie in Nye Beach, just a short walk from our place. We then walked across town just to acquaint ourselves with this town so new to us. We found the toy store, much to Sebastian's delight. He scored himself a new toy car (Blue VW bug w/bright flowers and rainbows... damn hippie!) and we found our way back to the beach for some play time.

I swear this kid is growing like a weed!

After soaking in more than enough warmth at the beach, we walked a few blocks over to the playground. One subtle thing that I love about this part of Oregon vs. California or Utah? The lawns are covered in these tiny daisies vs. dandelions. I love dandelions, but these are just so sweet:

Sebastian had a blast chasing the other kids and scaring the crap out of me. He now climbs UP the slide. Yikes! We love that the playground is close to the house meaning that we can go daily in the nice weather months (btw: we have only seen rain 3 times in 2 weeks. So much for all of that rain warning!)...

But what sweetens the deal even more? The walk to and from the playground. A beautiful, 5 acre midtown forest walk!

Here I am soaking in the greenery and sunshine. What could be better than fresh air, beautiful surroundings and time spent with my beloved boy? Nothing. Not one thing.

Settling in.

2010-05-14T21:06:00.004-07:00

Soooo...

the journey continues. We decided to move to Oregon!!! I visited California for a week and then made it back to Salt Lake City soon after the last post and did much in the way of packing our stuff and selling some off. Sadly, we are renting and were unable to bring the chickens with us, but will revisit that project when we manifest OUR HOUSE (I know! I am so excited to see that happen!!!) in the near future! The last couple of months have been a whirlwind of emotions, lack of personal space + movement and I needed to save all of the energy I had... but:

We made it to Newport on May 2nd after a fairly uneventful move (which was only possible with the help of my rad dad who flew to SLC and then drove the moving truck for us and flew back to California!). We are unpacking in between the usual. You know?: eating, sleeping, taking walks on the beach... I decided to take my time pulling out the camera in an effort to really just be here now. We are finally beginning to feel settled. Found a much needed playground just a few blocks away today, so the routine that Sebastian loves can and will continue. Starting to feel the urge to dig out that camera and share a bit of visual love with you all. I'm thinking I need another week to complete most of the box emptying and then the photos will flow. Can't wait!

Adventures in green & blue.

2010-03-20T21:12:00.004-07:00

My fam spontaneously hopped in the car over a week ago and drove to Oregon in hopes of finding a place to relocate to. We didn't tell anyone we were going... heck, we didn't know we were going until the night before. It is just time. Time to be where we want to be. Time to be where our souls surge with joy simply because the air is pure. Time to move forward and live a new adventure; to journey into the present with our dreams intact. And so we were welcomed sweetly into the home of long time friends who are more like family. It has been magic. I am so humbled at being accepted into their space and given shelter and a safe space from which to manifest our new place of residence. So so so completely grateful.

Ben jumped back in the car a few days ago to get home to packing and Sebastian and I stayed behind to continue our apartment/house search. We have found the perfect rental just 2 blocks from the ocean... keep your fingers crossed for us. We should know if it's ours in the next couple of days! How will we get home? Perfectly enough, my sweet friends have a family engagement in the Sacramento area at the end of this week. We're hitching a ride with them and then spending some time with friends and family in Davis/Sacramento for about a week before hopping on a train back to Salt Lake. After that will be a feat of furious packing. We are moving to Oregon in early to mid May!!! And so, a tiny view of what is in store for us... Blue skies, blue waves, sand, sun, greeeeeeen & a healthy dose of RAIN!

McBride family forest @ Daisy Hill:

A bit of calm achieved... Trusting what is to come.

Tiny sandy footprints and a very fast boy:

Mama Ocean...

Very BIG smiles.

Collecting energy.

2010-03-03T14:41:00.004-08:00

I know, right? What happened to the 30 days of beauty? Trouble with the laptop, too many photos in the camera that need to be loaded onto the laptop, waiting for a cable to arrive to make it all a reality, received wrong cable... still waiting for the right one to arrive. Blah.

I guess you could say that all of this trouble came at just the right moment as I have been feeling a major push to clam up and go within a bit more. There are so many possibilities for our future right now and my little family is just fraying at the weight of it all. Sounds all ominous and stuff, but it really isn't. We don't know much right now, but we do know that we will probably be moving in the next few months. We have an idea of where we would like to land, but we don't have the specifics all ironed out yet. We are left weighing a whole lot of pros and cons; mainly in relation to acquiring land with a livable (but probably needing loads of work) house vs. almost no land and a decent house (considering the price range we are working with). Ben's dream is land. I am cool with some land and possibly forest, but I tend to lean toward the nice-house-on-half-an-acre-or-more-at-the-edge-of-a-small-town side of life. Like I said: lots of pros and cons floating around right now...

So, if I am silent as of late you know why. I'm saving my energies for big decisions and manifestation of big dreams. My current mantras: Patience. Trust. All is as it should be. NOW is the time to make our dreams a reality.

30 days of beauty: Sebastian @ nap time.

2010-02-15T15:06:00.007-08:00

Sebastian curled up on the sofa for a nap with a blanket and a pillow. I asked him if he was sleepy and he said, "Hmmmmm. Maybe mama. Not sure yet".

I suggested that he close his eyes... so he squinted them shut.

..."A little softer, Sebastian?"

..."Shhhh, Mama. I'm trying to sleep".

Precocious much?

30 days of beauty: A little Valentine's fun!

2010-02-14T18:39:00.006-08:00

Last night Sebastian asked me, "Ummmmmm, Mama? Can we have for breakfast tomorrow waffles and then go to the playground and play with the swings and then have chocolate ice cream? Oh, yum yum yum yum yum." Seriously, this kid knows what he wants. Our day began with Bas and I waking up to delicious smells emanating from the kitchen. Ben surprised us with a waffles/eggs/veggies breakfast... It was only right that we continued fulfilling the requests. We figured he had the perfect recipe for a Valentine's Day celebration and obliged him + added 2 playground stops to our outing.

The smile says it all! Here Sebastian and Papa are making their way to the 1st playground:

Fluffy clouds and a clear view of the mountain sweetened the deal:

Beautiful trees in Sugarhouse Park:

Rocky Road ice cream for the boys (I had strawberry cheesecake ice cream!):

Thoroughly focused on his treat:

Chocolatey, contemplative face!

The view of the mountains from the playground around the corner from our house:

Bas fully enjoying playground #2 (I had loads of fun monkeying around with him. This playground rocks!).

We were all smiles for a couple of hours, but he did melt down when it was time to go home. Poor kid would live on the playground if we let him. We ended the day with an episode of Caillou (he is so addicted right now... no more Sesame Street or Yo Gabba Gabba. He sure is loyal to whatever show he is into at the time) & a kid favorite dinner of mac n cheese with peas and corn, so the smile has returned. Mama is all smiles, too. Couldn't have asked for a better love day than time spent with my two fave guys.

30 days of beauty: Murphy the wonder dog!

2010-02-13T20:41:00.002-08:00

This little guy has warmed our hearts, taught us much in the way of patience & added so much more to our lives. Okay, yes... much of what he added was just more responsibility, and when he was chewing everything in sight whenever we would leave the house he added a whole lot of anxiety and anger. You see, my husband proclaims himself a non-dog person. I understand that he hasn't had much experience with them, but am pretty confident that this one is growing on him. Enter the crate. Ahhhhh, so much better. At least when we leave the house we know that our stuff isn't being destroyed. Actually, Murphy has taken to it as his safe space and enjoys sleeping in it, too. The crate: a life saver. I used to think of it as a cruel doggie jail... no longer. We are careful, of course, not to abuse it. It *is* the greatest tool and has made this puppy loving experience so much better.

After roaming the house, enjoying treats and being tuckered out from some good old fashioned wrestling with the toddler, Murphy plants himself in any of the chairs he deems comfortable in the moment. We tried to keep him off of the people furniture for awhile and then decided that his comfortable happiness was ours, as well... here he is settled into my father-in-law's fabulous pink throne:

Oh, Murphy. You teach us so much and we love you, beautiful mutt. We are savoring puppy time, but do so look forward to a year from now when you are all settled and a bit calmer (though we have no illusions about you being too calm... you are a terrier after all).

30 days of beauty: Sunshine!

2010-02-11T22:17:00.002-08:00

SUNSHINE!!! Sunshine streaming through bits of amber...? Well, priceless enough to give me a little edge of happiness.

a raw raw raw raw moment.

2010-02-10T23:28:00.004-08:00

I am naked and open and lost without the beach.

Can't wait to fall,

to dive,

to release myself,

to disappear

into the sand.

I am drowning

in this landlocked

existence.

I promise

to meet you there...

if only

in our dreams

...or the near future.

30 days of beauty: FOOD!

2010-02-10T18:41:00.005-08:00

Erin over at bluebirdbaby has inspired another 30 days of blogging. It is just the kick in the proverbial pants that I needed to refresh this space. I've been detoxing for about 2 weeks and thought it most appropriate that I begin this project with a little glimpse of some of the yummies I have been enjoying. As within, so without.

Ben and Sebastian have been enjoying oatmeal for breakfast much of this week. I have been doctoring up my cereal. This mornings breakfast was Mesa Sunrise flakes in vanilla soy milk with coconut, dried blueberries, craisins, macadamia nuts and chia seeds. Suuuuper delish.

Sometime last week we discovered some tasty veggie burger patties called Sunshine Burgers. OMFG triple yum. Here we ate them on whole grain bread with sunflower sprouts, onions, carrots and a bit of cream cheese.

Beyond these tasty treats, there has been much ingestion of smoothies, veggie stirfry and wheatgrass juice! Immune system is feeling the lift and this tiny cold the kid passed to me mildly came and went in about 2 days. It feels so good to be taking the time to eat right. So so very good... good food is a beautiful thing.

Ah, sweet February!

2010-02-02T19:22:00.004-08:00

Every February I am taken by surprise at how the happy just flows on in. It is a strange and magical thing that I am just now really realizing... Oh, February! I have missed you so!

Dreary January is behind us. The sun is peaking through gigantic, fluffy, white clouds more than 2 days out of the week. Bulbs are beginning to break through the ground... crocuses just around the corner! All of this warmth and uplifted energy has brought me to another point of cleansing. It helps very much that Sebastian and I have transitioned out of our nursing relationship and my body is fully my own again. Instead of opting for a total elimination cleanse, I decided it best to redesign my way of eating; my relationship with food. I have been so unhappy with the weight I have been lingering at for so long (never did get back to prepregnancy weight, which was also much higher than my ideal weight). It isn't just about weight, though. It is about recognizing when I am overeating, and why. It's about noticing how I feel when I eat and how any given chosen food makes me feel after eating it. I am a certified Diet Counselor. Seriously. I know what to do, I just get lazy. And so: In conjunction with taking Michael's Naturopathic Ultimate Detox & Cleanse, I am focusing on making the bulk of my meals fruit or veggie centered. I don't eat much meat to begin with, so I am choosing only a tiny bit of sliced turkey or ground chicken in my soups. I cut waaaaaaay back on the breads. Strangely I don't miss them as much as I expected. And the sweets? Ugh. Those are usually my downfall. Not so. I am eating about 2 squares of dark chocolate (70% or above) daily and do not feel deprived in the slightest. No alcohol, no caffeine... but those are the only 2 no-no's for 2 weeks. Here I am at the end of day 5 and feeling great. I have had some emotions come up and some aches for the past 2 days, but the bum knee that has been bugging me since the beginning of December has miraculously stopped hurting. Ahhhh, I love a good cleanse.

So here I am, feeling great, reflecting much, and just reveling in transition. Sebastian is on a nap schedule again and that has afforded me some daily alone time to bathe, read & meditate. Everything is sort of shifting into focus. I'm going to continue taking it easy, but will post some photos when I feel up to it. Spring is on it's way!!!

What feeds your soul?

2010-01-25T19:11:00.004-08:00

This is the question that I find myself musing on regularly these days. I love where I am, I love what I am doing yet I am realizing that there is so much unexpressed/unfulfilled creativity brewing deep within. Where do I want to be? What do I want to do that I have yet to make a reality? Where is this all going? What FEEDS my soul?

I spent the last week visiting with family in my home (Dad, Stepmom & Brother!) and enjoyed so much of our time together. I also became aware of a part of me that seems to revert to the thirteen year old girl aspect of myself whenever I spend time with family. I get all insecure and worried about what it will take to make everyone happy. I am edgy and easily annoyed, and therefore annoying. I'm not the ME that I usually am. It is simultaneously perplexing and exhilarating to take this kind of really hard look at myself. I feel misrepresented... though I don't blame myself for being anything other than what I am in the present. Okay, well, I do kick myself a little when I think I have caused pain in another... but overall I accept it for what it is and know that everything is as it should be in any moment. In other words: I am loved as I am and love all others as they are and trust that we are all doing our best. So... What feeds my soul?

-self investigation.

-being surrounded by loving people.

-sharing with others (though I have much to work on when it comes to not holding back).

-being gleefully alive!

-letting a little more of my bright self shine through each day.

-finding magic in the mundane.

-spending the bulk of my time with the most inspiring, amazing child.

-envisioning an art space where I will make a ritual of making fantastical creations.

-seeing myself surrounded by the community I have always desired.

-major abundance manifestation in action.

-knowing my truth and accepting myself.

-so.much.trust.

In the middle of all of that I do find myself yelling at the dog, putting the kid in time out, crying a little because I feel like a meanie, spending more time that I'd like trying to tune out for a few minutes at a time and generally being human. Damn, this existence is complicated... and incredibly miraculous. I love every moment... and I don't say it enough: I have more love in my heart than I know what to do with. It is so frustrating to not just let it flow. I'm ready. I hope you are, too. It's flowing strong and it is flowing to you.

What feeds *your* soul?

Renovation Reveal: Our bedroom!

2010-01-17T15:35:00.005-08:00

Most of you know that my little family moved to Salt Lake City last year from California to give some much needed updating to the house that Ben and his brother own (that used to be their Grandma's). The bedrooms needed some serious love. This is what our room looked like just after we moved in...

It's a dark picture and hard to distinguish just how ghastly the wallpaper was. There were 2 layers of paper and one had bled through the other. New Year's Day felt like the perfect time to tackle this room and breathe new life into it. I spent a few days sanding off the old wallpapers and washing down the walls. I then spent several days priming and painting 3 coats of paint onto those walls... then there was the trim, etc. We still have to install the new doorknobs... Behold! It's a totally new room! A place of sacred, sacral exploration:

These first 2 pix are taken in natural light. I know... you are thinking: ORANGE? Ben talked me into it, and it took a good amount of convincing. Now that the project is complete, I think I am in love. That man has insight about color and I should know better than to give him much trouble about it. I was thinking lavender... Sheesh.

Here is what the paint looks like with the bedroom light on. I do love how the dark furniture grounds the aliveness of the orange.

Another project complete!!! Here I am, all proud of myself. I am smiling even more on the inside.

What's next? Looks like the bathroom... But first I'm going to kick back and take a much needed vacation for a few days while one set of my parents come to visit. Looking forward to some fab fun in the city with them and to sharing photos of our adventures!

Let there be EGGS!

2010-01-10T14:19:00.005-08:00

A surprise in the coop this afternoon!

Looks like Clementine is the first to grace us with a gift from her chute. Thank goodness for her, too... she sure is beautiful, but totally schizoid. We finally have a reason to keep her around. ;) Here she is next to her spotted sister, Betsy.

It's a bit early as our chick babies are only about 17 weeks old and usually don't begin to lay for another few weeks. My sweet chicken farmer couldn't be happier (or prouder... I *know* I saw a little tear in there somewhere).

The Yums: Nuts About You Granola!

2010-01-03T15:35:00.004-08:00

Over the holiday break my rad ma-in-law, Myrna, opened my eyes to the simplicity of granola making. The basic recipe comes from the trusty Tassajara Bread Book (on page 140 of the ancient edition) and is simple to remember: for every 10 cups of dry ingredients (oats, nuts, seeds) you add 1/2 cup of oil and 1/2 cup of sweetener. After roasting in the oven you add whatever dried fruits you like. Here is how I made my first batch:

To 5 cups of oats I added:

-1 cup unsweetened flaked coconut (I like the big chunky kind)

-1/4 cup almonds

-3/4 cup cashews

-1 cup pecans

-1/2 cup pistachios

-1/2 cup sunflower seeds

-1/2 cup walnuts

-1/2 cup pumpkin seeds

Next, stirred in 1/2 cup of canola oil (may use another oil next time... sunflower?), 1/4 cup honey and 1/4 cup agave nectar. I then split the mixture between 2 baking sheets and roasted at 250 degrees for 1 hour (stirring every 10 minutes). I cannot tell you nice it was to have baking sheets with sides... saved much mess (thanks, Myrna!!!).

It came out of the oven nice and golden. I put the dry ingredients back into a big bowl and added:

-1 cup chopped dates

-1/2 cup orange flavored cranberries

-1/2 cup dried blueberries

-1/4 cup dried cherries

-1/2 cup dried mango, chopped

I stirred it up well and then couldn't wait to test it out. My fave way to eat granola is to drench it in coconut milk and mix in 1 tsp of chia seeds. This is what a 1/2 cup of granola looks like...

Of course, I shared it with Sebastian who then demanded "more!" when the granola had dried and was put into containers. Guess he will have to wait until tomorrow!

Be creative with your granola making and enjoy! It does the mind and heart well to know exactly what has gone into your mixture. Don't forget to add a heaping dose of love and preferably mix it up while you dance to your fave tunes!

Holiday Snapshots: The big #2 Birthday!

2010-01-01T00:53:00.006-08:00

Yep! The little one is officially 2 years old! I want to know: What is it about birthdays that naturally drives the mama to make sure that the celebration goes smoothly at all costs? How much do the kids really care about the details at 2? First case in point: CAKE. That sucker was the bain of my existence for one day. I woke up on the 20th with one thought only: get the cake right and make it edible by 3pm when the other grandma arrives. Okay, yes, I failed. I woke up and immediately cooked the super mom cake from scratch. When I inserted the first well meaning toothpick, the cake deflated. I deflated. I waited a couple of hours and deliberated between baking another and sending the papa off to fetch a premade savior. We decided to try again, instead. All was well... and then the timer went off. My mother-in-law confidently opened the oven and I watched both cakes meet their demise. Deflation the second. Ugh. Behold the first set of defeated cakes!

Did the 2 year old care? HA! He was too busy playing with his vehicles to notice.

Oh! And then the balloons arrived! Fat chance of expecting any consciousness beyond "Wow, the balloons are colorful and fabulous". Thanks Daddy! Good idea!!!

Next, he opened some gifts. Monkey after monkey made itself known...

There were some coloring books... Elmo themed, of course (with a portrait of the kiddo on the package):

+ some hand wrapped and decorated surprises sent by mail from the other loved ones:

And, of course, 2 grandmas made it for the celebration! Grandma Winnie had as much fun as the birthday boy!

The prized gift! Sebastian reeeeeally wanted this toy jeep. Really, it was the only thing he asked for. I made a sneaky move into the toy store one day when I sent Dad and Bas to fetch some reverse osmosis water at the grocery store... Sebastian led me to the toy store a few days later and was distraught to discover that "jeep" had disappeared. He stared for a long time at the empty shelf and then said something along the lines of, "MAMA! Jeep all gone!!!! OH NO!" I talked to him about how some nice parents must have purchased the jeep for their kiddo. For 2 weeks, Sebastian would walk up to me and talk about how the jeep was gone and some lucky kid would be getting a gift. Poor little guy had no idea that he was the lucky kid.

And then there was the car... Grandma Winnie had mama pick up a ride around car for Bas (the 30th anniversary edition of the car mama had when she was a kiddo). This was the straw that broke the camels back, for sure... At bed time this kid still would not get out.

The cake did prevail after all! We took the first two cakes and carved them up to fill in the fallen parts of the second two... then we added a blueberry jam (by birthday boy request) and frosted the poop out of it. We then decorated with black and blueberries. Oh my! I cannot tell you how delicious the cake turned out. Pure bliss served up alongside vanilla ice cream and blueberry gelato. We could not keep the boy away from the berries. He also made a wish (or at least blew out the candle on the first try).

By the end of the day he was flat out done. Thankfully, Mama only cried twice. #1: Cake ruined!!! (and then revived... a blessing in disguise). #2: @gift presenting time, Mama could not find the gifts for about 8 minutes. Two closets were torn apart, tears discarded before someone asked if they were in the closet by the dining room. OF COURSE... A foreshadowed easy location. I am ashamed to admit that in those 8 minutes I referred to myself as the worst mother in the world. I mean really... Who forgets where their birthday baby's gifts are?!?

All is forgiven, truly. It was an all around good time. Sebastian has way more than his share of toys, he LOVED his cake and berries and he had so much fun with 2 of the grandmas (and grandDud & Daddy & Mama). He loves his book and Yo Gabba Gabba video from Uncle Jevan and Aunt Amelia. He cannot stop drawing on the chalkboard of his easel from Banana Alta and Lenny... And he can't get enough of his "street rug" from Grandma Myrna. Success!!! Next year? Mama will have less emphasis on making it all perfect, because in the end it *was* exactly as it should have been.

Holiday snapshots: Zoolights!

2009-12-29T18:51:00.005-08:00

Our little holiday season began with a week long visit from Ben's mama, Myrna, who hails from SoCal. We spent a whole lot of time lounging around the house, drinking coffee & chatting away the way-too-early o'clock in the morning hours and just enjoying our time together. We *did* get out of the house long enough to shop a bit and to take an evening walk around the zoo to experience Zoolights! We had so much fun enjoying the lights that we barely noticed our frozen noses in the frigid weather (It was in the teens!). This just might be the makings of a yearly tradition:

See what I mean? Fun *&* magical! Ben and Myrna were all smiles:

...and so were Ben and I:

We were astonished when we realized that we never got a photo of the 3 of us together this season... so much for a holiday photo. Looks like we will have to make use of the camera timer for once. Here is the continuation of the fam photo from above:

Man, those flashes sure are bright! The lights were plentiful and I only have room for so many pix. In addition to the animal light sculptures, many of the trees were covered in varying colors of lights and adorned with snowflakes, ornaments and stars. A little taste of the fantastically lit winter trees:

And any trip to the zoo would not be complete without a whirl around the good old carousel. Sebastian has decided that the up and down animal riding is just not okay, so we opted for a bench seat. I never ever thought I would have to sit on the bench seat, but it was surprisingly fun. I guess the lesson is that anything I do with Sebastian ends up being fun. It's blurry, but it captures the movement and joy:

We celebrated a birthday just days after this, another special visitor arrived and we had Christmas a few days later, so there are so many more photos to come. Can't wait to share! Hope you all enjoyed a holiday as magical as ours!

All is well: Celebrate!!!

2009-12-17T20:19:00.005-08:00

It has been a lonnnnnng few weeks, yes ma'am/siree. I do declare: We are all *finally* well! We spent a whole lot of time getting over this cold and subsequently staying indoors since Thanksgiving. All is well. The tree is up:

The best part about the tree? It is 6 & a half feet tall, pre-lit and it was free (a dumpster dive rescue that was passed on to us... Thanks Gray family!) . We price compared at Target and Home Depot. Holy cow! Who knew that these things went for close to 200 dollars?!?!? Like I said: free! Free is good. 2 Strands of lights were dead and were replaced for 5 bux. Sweet deal! Sebastian LOVES to undecorate and redecorate the tree daily.

Other indoor fun? Making a "choo choo train" out of dining room chairs and kid table/chairs. I am constantly amazed by what this kid comes up with to entertain himself.

And then, of course, we had to get ourselves outside to experience a bit of snow and sunshine!

Smile Sebastian!:

Don't ask me what the underbite smile is all about. It is cute and totally his own.

Things are really good. We are anticipating a visit from Grandma Myrna (my Ma-in-law) beginning tomorrow and Grandma Winnie (my Mom) on Tuesday. Sebastian's birthday is on Sunday!!! I cannot quite wrap my brain around the fact that my kiddo is turning 2, though he reminds me daily that he will be opening "giffs" on his "happy birthday to me"... heheh. We are waiting to celebrate when the 2 grandmas are here on Tuesday and will surely overload you all with pix of the event. So many other loved ones will be missed this time around, but we will catch up with them and make up the difference down the road. Blessings to you all this week as you celebrate your brand of holiday! Happy Solstice/Hanukkah/Diwali/Holidays & Merry Christmas!

Craziness prevails.

2009-12-12T19:42:00.004-08:00

Remember that nasty cold we came home with from SoCal at the beginning of December? Um, yeah... It's lingering. Just when I realize that this is the first evening I can remember without coughing: Ben decides to try his hand at hot sauce making and grinds up some cayenne in the coffee grinder (which we use only for herbs). We are all hacking up a lung and opening the windows without a thought toward the less-than-20-degree temp outside. Seriously... the DOG is even coughing his head off. So I think it would be safe to say that there is a little bit of craziness up in our house.

Sebastian's terrible 2's have arrived full force and he has taken to hitting me whenever he is frustrated. He will literally walk up and start slapping me in the face while telling me that he is mad at Ben or Murphy. We had some success with curbing the biting early with the book 'Teeth Are Not For Biting', so I rushed out to the bookstore yesterday and purchased 'Hands Are Not For Hitting'. As we were leaving the store a sales associate offered complimentary gift wrap. Sebastian began to scream "Escaaaalaaaaaaytor! Ride Escalator!!!!" while beating me with both arms. I was trying to calm him and leave the store while trying to convey to the woman that gift wrap was the least of my worries and I began laughing. C'mon. That book is obviously the most necessary purchase we could come up with and gift wrap would only delay its immediate use. Like I said, no shortage of crazy.

It came to my attention that I tend to focus on the positive and mostly only blog on shiny little bits of our everyday. Well, truthfully it has become more like shiny little bits of our every few weeks... I'd really like to utilize this space to the fullest and think that I need to round out my posts with a bit of the wildness that comes with parenthood. Soooo, I guess what I am saying is that you can expect more frequent posting along with a heavier dose of reality. Looking forward to sharing with you a more balanced glimpse. My focus word these days? AUTHENTICITY.

Bubbles + Light

Kinder by Copper Wimmin

Shadow, light, crimson & aqua.

Unapologetic.

30 days of Gratitude: Day 20!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 19!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 18!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 17!

30 days of Gratitude - Day 16: The Next Chapter...

30 days of gratitude: Day 15!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 14!

30 days of Gratitude: day 13!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 12!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 11!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 10!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 9!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 8!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 7!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 6!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 5!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 4!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 3!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 2!

30 days of Gratitude: Day 1!

The Yums: Blueberry Magic Muffins!

::Just enjoy the show::

::processing & blossoming::

Birds & Bees!

The Show.

30 days of smiles: Days 24 through 30!

30 days of smiles: To Be Continued...

30 days of smiles: Day 23!

30 days of smiles: Day 22!

30 days of smiles: Day 21!

30 days of smiles: day 20!

30 days of smiles: Day 19!

30 days of smiles: Day 18!

30 days of smiles: Day 17!

30 days of smiles: Day 17!

The Yums: Bright Blessings Lemonade!

30 days of smiles: Day 16!

30 days of smiles: Day 15!

30 days of smiles: Day 14!

30 days of smiles: Day 13!

30 days of smiles: Day 12!

30 days of smiles: Day 11!

30 days of smiles: Day 10!

30 days of smiles: Day 9!

30 days of smiles: Day 8!

30 days of smiles: Day 7!

30 days of smiles: Day 6!

Looking up?

The Yums: The Sweet Life muffins!

30 days of smiles: Day 5!

30 days of smiles: Day 4!

30 days of smiles: Day 3!

30 days of smiles: Day 2!

30 days of smiles: Day 1!

...Another Foolish Anniversary...

The Yums: Sunshine Rice!

.*:Lover Boy becomes Krishna:*.

The cure for stir craziness...

SPRING (& an ode to Winter)...

Happy Birthday, Star Prince!

Before & After!

Rain & puddles & creeks, Oh my!

Introducing: SUPER KID!

Back in action!

September? October?

August, where's that break?

August Break: 9.

August Break: 8.

August Break: 7.

August Break: 6.

August Break: 5.

August Break: 4.

August Break: 3.

August Break: 2.

August Break!!!

Thanky McThankfulpants.

.:Lover Boy becomes Krishna:.